The Imperial Left Or The Metric Left

| | Right | October 19, 2009

Guest: “How do you get to a cash machine??”

Me: “You exit the hotel, turn left, and then–”

Guest: “Turn left?”

Me: “Yes, left.”

Guest: “Left?”

Me: “Yes, left.” *pointing with my hand*

Guest: *confused* “Left…right…”

Me: “Left in England is the same as left in America.”

Guest: “Oh, okay! I get it!”

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Dr. Jekyll And Mrs. Hyde, Part 2

| | Right | October 19, 2009

(I’m ringing up a sweater for a customer at the till.]

Customer: “This isn’t for me. It’s for that homeless guy across the street.”

Me: “That’s very kind of you, ma’am.”

Customer: “I know! It’s important to give back to the less fortunate.”

(As I’m finishing with the transaction, she’s glances around the store.)

Customer: “Wow, it’s pretty dead in here.”

Me: “Yeah, we get a slow day every now and again.”

Customer: “Well, I know that. I figured there would be a lot of people cashing their welfare cheques today.”

(I’m not sure what to day to that, so I finish the transaction. As I’m putting the sweater in the bag with the rest of her items…)

Customer: “Woah! Put that in a different bag, please. I don’t want that bum’s sweater touching my stuff!”

 

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Fowl Outdoor Behavior

| | Right | October 16, 2009

(At the theme park where I work, a teenage guest gets out of line and marches up to me at my spot greeting people.)

Guest: “There are two birds back there fighting in the bushes. You should go stop them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t really have any control over nature.”

Guest: “But they’re fighting. One of them could get hurt.”

Me: “I’m sure they’ll sort it out soon and fly off.”

Other guest: “Those birds aren’t fighting…they’re ‘dating’.”

(The guest thinks about it for a moment.)

Guest: “What?! And you’re just going to let them do it in front of everyone? This is a FAMILY park. Oh my God!”

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If The Brew Fits…

| | Right | October 16, 2009

(We’ve run out of flat lids for our large cold drinks, so we’re using the domed ones instead.)

Coworker: “I have a large iced green tea ready.”

Customer: “Does it LOOK like I want whipped cream on that!?”

Coworker: “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately we are all out of the flat lids for the venti sized drinks. I have to put a dome lid–”

(The customer points to small-sized flat lids.)

Customer: “Those are flat lids!”

Coworker: “Actually, those only fit our small iced cups.”

(The customer rolls her eyes, grabs a small flat lid, and tries to put it on her large cup. Because it’s smaller, the lid falls into her drink and spills tea all over the counter.)

Customer: “WHY WON’T THIS FIT!?”

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Military Intelligence, Part 4

| | Right | October 15, 2009

(A kid walks up and asks to buy a pack of cigarettes.)

Me: “Could I see your ID please?”

(The kid hands me an un-laminated piece of hand-cut white paper with a picture taped to it and all the “information” handwritten.)

Me: “Seriously, you’re going to try this?”

Customer: “It’s my military ID…”

 

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