It Was A Love/Hate/Poison Relationship

| | Right | November 17, 2009

Customer: “Hello. How do you have strawberries so late in the season?”

Me: “They are a special breed called Everbearing. They last until the frost comes.”

Customer: “How did they get such a breed?”

Me: “Well, they bred them especially for this.”

Customer: “So they were genetically modified? That causes cancer!”

Me: “I’m sure they won’t give you cancer. There are other things that cause cancer, but–”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what causes cancer! Don’t you think I know what causes cancer?!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “It’s okay, I’ll take a basket. They’re for my sister.”

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Hair In Mid-air

| | Right | November 17, 2009

(A customer brings in a beautiful long haired Shih Tzu for a trim up. As I am petting the dog, I feel that she is very matted.)

Me: “I am sorry, but Missy is very matted. She needs to be shaved down very close to her skin.”

Customer: “Oh no, she’s not matted. Can’t you see how long her fur is? I brush her every day.”

Me: “I’m sure you do, ma’am, but you are only getting the hair on top. The hair on the bottom has become very matted and needs to be shaved.”

Customer: “Can’t you just shave the bottom and leave the top?”

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Stir, Yes, Sir!

, | | Right | November 17, 2009

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

Coworker: “Is that all?”

Customer: “YESSS!”

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Pepperoni Extremism

| | Right | November 16, 2009

(I’ve just finished giving a guy his pizza when he notices my car in the driveway.)

Customer: “That your car?”

Me: “Yes, it is. You like it?”

Customer: “Yeah! Mind if I go look at it?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll show you around it.”

(We get there and he studies the decals in my window. I have an “Obama ’08” button on the back of my headrest.)

Customer: *gasps* “Are you a terrorist?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Don’t play dumb with me! You’re a terrorist!”

Me: “What are you talking about?!”

Customer: “You’re a terrorist and you voted for a terrorist for president!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that our president is not a terrorist.”

Customer: “But he is! He’s not American! He’s an illegal immigrant!”

Me: “Sir, why would we have an illegal immigrant terrorist as president if the government were on his side?”

Customer: *gasps again* “You’re right! Everyone’s a terrorist!”

Me: “No, no, no! They’re not terrorists!”

Customer: “You’re on their side?! Don’t kill me!”

Me: *giving up* “Yes, I’m a terrorist.”

(The customer screams and runs inside. A few moments later, the pizza falls out a second story window.)

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Wising Up To Dumbing Down

| | Right | November 16, 2009

(I’m showing a customer the difference between a few different products and the benefits of each. After a few minutes, he selects the item he wants.)

Customer: “Why are you so smart?”

Me: *jokingly* “Everyone tells me to stop, but I guess I just can’t help it!”

Customer: *completely serious* “Well, stop it! It annoys me when people are smarter than me!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Kids these days!” *walks off*

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