This Is Why We’re In A Recession

, | Wisconsin, USA | Right | April 20, 2010

Me: “Your total is $**.**.”

(The customer hands me card, I run it and hand it back to her.)

Customer: “Oh, no! That’s my debit card! I don’t have any money in my account. It’s going to be declined.”

Me: “Well, your purchase went through.”

Customer: “Oh, well, if it went through, that means I have enough money in my account.”

Me: “Well, not necessarily. My brother got himself into a lot of debt by using his cards after he’d reached his limit.”

Customer: “You mean I could still use this card even if there’s no money in the account?”

Me: “It’s possible, but I’m not familiar with your bank system.”

Customer: *to friend* “Do you want to go to the nail salon?”

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Innocence Lost

| Cape Cod | Right | April 20, 2010

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I need you guys to work on my car’s transmission. How much?”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work on cars here, we print things.”

Caller: “But…but I Googled [company] and I got you guys.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Google was wrong. I don’t know how we got on there.”

Caller: “But I Googled you! You have to do it!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have copiers here, not a garage. Try the yellow pages?”

Caller: *sounding very betrayed* “I can’t believe I Googled you.”

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Putting The Spa In Spay

| Corona, CA, USA | Right | April 20, 2010

(A customer brings in his dog for a spay.)

Customer: “While she’s out, can you trim her nails? They’re getting real long.”

Me: “Of course, sir. We give all patients under anesthesia a complimentary nail trim.”

Customer: “Oh, you do? Would you give me a free pedicure, too?”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “How about a massage?”

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A Major Problem With A Minor Request

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Right | April 19, 2010

Me: “Good afternoon, [bookstore]!”

Caller: “Hi, I have to do a project where I read to kids and they respond. Do you have that?”

Me: “You need a book to read to them? Sure! We have plenty of children’s books.”

Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”

Me: “Right, we have plenty of books you could chose from to read to them.”

Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”

Me: “So what exactly is it that you need from us?”

Caller: “Can I do that there?”

Me: “Well, we don’t provide the children.”

Caller: *disappointed* “Oh, okay. Bye.”

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Reaching New Heights Of Stupidity

| Massachusetts, USA | Right | April 19, 2010

(I am on the beginner chairlift with two of my adult students.)

Customer: “So, when does the mountain close?”

Me: “We stay open until there is no snow left. This year, the guess is late April.”

Customer: “So, it’s open past daylight-savings time?”

Me: “Yes, it is. How is daylight-savings time related to the mountain being open?”

Customer: “Well, with that extra hour of sunlight, the snow must melt extra fast!”

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