911 Grab Bag: Define “Emergency”

, , , | | Right | November 12, 2007

(The following quotes are from various phone calls made to a West Virginia 911 line.)

1. “What are the Daily Pick Four lottery numbers?”

2. “My TV is out.”

3. “How much snow/rain are we supposed to get?”

4. “Is it illegal to tape a cat to a bottle rocket?”

5. “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

6. “How high are gas prices going to get?”

7. “Why am I getting Error Message #781 on my computer screen?”

8. “I have never roasted a turkey before and my in-laws will be here in an hour.”

9. “I am reading this recipe. What is fennel?”

10. “I am doing my homework. What is the square root of 435?”

11. “Are crabs in season?”

12. “I wanna talk to a cop about my child support, if you can drag one away from the donut shop.”

13. “I just wanted to make sure you were all awake.”

1 Thumbs
5,243
VOTES

Damaged Goods, And We’re Not Talking Groceries

| | Right | November 12, 2007

(A coworker is bagging groceries as I ring them up)

Customer, to my bagger: “Wait! Don’t pack them like that! Honestly, it’s as if no one understands how to pack bags anymore!”

Coworker, looking down at a loaf of bread on top of some grapefruits in a paper bag: “How do you want them packed?”

Customer: “Clearly the bread needs to go on the bottom! I don’t want the grapefruits to get damaged; they’re fragile!”

1 Thumbs
2,449
VOTES

Actually, You Look More Like A C-Cup

| | Right | November 11, 2007

Customer Looking at Batteries: “My friend asked me to pick her up some D batteries, but I’m not sure which ones to get.”

(Customer holds up a package with 10 D batteries in it and a package with 12 D batteries in it)

Customer: “What’s the difference between 10D and 12D? I don’t want to get the wrong ones.”

1 Thumbs
1,442
VOTES

Oh Give Me a Home, Where The Jackalopes Roam

, , | | Right | November 11, 2007

Little boy: “What are those?”

Zookeeper: “That’s a Cavy.”

(Note: Cavies are another name for guinea pigs.)

Little boy’s father: “No, they’re not. They’re Jack-a-lopes. But I don’t see any antlers, so they must all be does.”

1 Thumbs
1,876
VOTES

That’s Nothing A Little Duct Tape Can’t Fix

, , | | Right | November 11, 2007

Customer: “I want a computer where I can type in Russian and it will print in English.”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we don’t have Russian keyboards.”

Customer: “No, that’s fine. I’ll just tape Russian letters on.”

Me: “Sir, it will still be an English keyboard.”

Customer: “Okay, so what if I glue the letters on?”

Me: *thunk thunk thunk* “Still English.”

1 Thumbs
1,949
VOTES
Page 3,901/3,912First...3,8993,9003,9013,9023,903...Last
« Previous
Next »