Limping Through College

| Flint, MI, USA | Right | June 11, 2010

Customer: “Can you help me find the book for my class?”

Me: “Sure. Do you have your course schedule?”

Customer: “Uh, no. Why?”

Me: “They tell me what books are needed for each class.”

Customer: “Cool.”

Me: “So, I need to know what class you’re taking.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “English, Math, Physics, Biology? If you can tell me what the course is, we might be able to find it that way.”

Customer: “Sorry, dude. I’m new to this whole college thing.”

Me: “How about your professor’s name? We’ve got quite a few professors that only teach one class.”

Customer: “My class is at night. Wednesdays, I think. And my teacher is a lady, with a limp.”

Me: *Looking at a course card.* “I found it! Wednesday nights, with the lady who limps.”

Customer: “Bro, you’re a life saver.”

Me: “I was kidding.”

Customer: “So, that’s not my book then?”

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What Came First – The Allergen Or The Egg?

| Orlando, FL, USA | Right | June 10, 2010

(I’m a cook at a restaurant. A sandwich comes back rung up “No Mayo, allergy”. I call the server back to the kitchen.)

Server: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “So, what’s the guy allergic to? The eggs or the vinegar?”

Server: “What do you mean?”

Me: “That’s what’s in mayonnaise. Eggs and vinegar. If he’s allergic to the eggs, I’m going to need to get rid of two of the things on the sandwich. If it’s the vinegar, I’ll need to get rid of four. If it’s any of the other chemicals or preservatives or whatnot, I’ll have to leave off everything.”

(The server goes and talks to the table, and returns a minute later.)

Server: “He’s not really allergic to anything. He just wanted to make sure that it didn’t have mayo on it.”

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A Complete Ba-SKET Case

| Orlando, FL USA | Right | June 10, 2010

(At our store, we have a dish called the Bruschetta (bru-SHET-ta) Chicken Pasta. I am delivering a party their food.)

Me: “So that leaves the Bruschetta Chicken Pasta. Here you go.”

Customer: “I didn’t order no bru-SHET-ta! I ordered a bra-SKET-ta pasta!”

(I turn around and put the item back on the tray, pause, then pick the same bowl up again.)

Me: “Bra-sket-ta chicken pasta. Here you go.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

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Doesn’t Un-Dough-Stand What Pizza Is

| Wyoming, USA | Right | June 10, 2010

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Place]. Is this for carry out or delivery?”

Caller: “Yeah, uh, I need to order a small pizza for carry out.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like on it?”

Caller: “No cheese, ’cause I don’t like cheese.”

Me: “No problem.”

Caller: “And no sauce, I hate sauce.”

Me: “Okay. What toppings would you like?”

Caller: “Oh, just plain.”

Me: “Plain?”

Caller: “Yeah, no toppings.”

Me: “So, you want a small pizza with NO cheese, NO sauce, and NO toppings?”

Caller: “Yeah. Do you, like, have a special name for that?”

Me: “Bread.”

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A Bit Grey With Anatomy

| United Kingdom | Right | June 10, 2010

(We sometimes lose shoes and are stuck with one which we can’t sell. When this happens and it is a man’s shoe for the right foot, we sell them very cheaply to a war veteran who only has one leg. On this day, the veteran has just paid for one. There is a man behind him in the queue.)

Customer: “Why does he get those shoes so cheaply?”

Me: “Because he is only buying the right shoe, not a pair.”

Customer: “Why would he want just one?”

Me: “Because he only has one leg. He lost the other in combat.”

Customer: “Yeah, but even if he lost one leg, he’s still got two feet, right?”

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