Think Unpoopy Thoughts

| | Right | June 20, 2008

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “We’re looking at the toilets. What does the ‘flush rating’ on the box mean?”

Me: “That indicates the amount of flush power.”

Customer: “But what is it measuring?”

Me: “It’s just a general rating to give you an idea of the power of the flush on this model.”

Customer: “And the picture of the basket of golf balls on the box?”

Me: “This is just an illustration claiming this toilet can flush a full bucket of golf balls without clogging.”

Customer: “I worked in an old building once, and whenever I would use the toilet there it would clog up.”

(I smile blandly and pray she doesn’t continue.)

Customer: “Maybe the golf ball toilet would be good then. I mean, if it can handle a whole basket of balls… right?

(My smile wanes, and I hope she doesn’t start describing shape, color, consistency.)

Customer: “Well, food for thought I guess. Oh, dear, I shouldn’t say ‘food’ when it comes to toilets!”

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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3

| | Right | June 20, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to get on the Internet.”

Me: “Alright, are you interested in dialup or DSL?”

Customer: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re speaking Greek to me!”

 

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He Obviously Gets His Smarts From Mom

| | Right | June 19, 2008

Little Boy: “Can I have a medium Icee?”

Me: “Sure! ¬†That’ll be $1.48.”

(The little boy hands me $1.50 and I give him his change.  He scampers off to get his Icee as his dad stomps up.)

Dad: “Can I get another medium Icee for my daughter?”

Me: “Sure, It’s $1.48.”

(The dad pays and I give him his cup.  By this time the boy is back, happily drinking his Icee and standing next to his dad.)

Dad: (rudely) “WELL?! Where’s my Icee!?”

Me: (confused) “Uh, the cup is right there, sir.”

(The little boy is trying to get his dad’s attention to tell him where the Icee machine is located (it’s self serve). However, the dad is ignoring him and yelling at me.)

Dad: “I PAID FOR AN ICEE, NOW WHERE IS MY ICEE!?”

Me: “Sir, the machine is around the corner.”

Dad: “Finally! God, are you simple or something?!”

Me: “!?”

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Don’t Press Your Luck

, | | Right | June 19, 2008

Me: “Welcome to ***, may I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “Yeah, I’ll take the double cheeseburger.”

Me: “Okay, would you like to make it a value meal?”

Drive-thru customer: *screaming* “DON’T INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE! IF I WANTED A VALUE MEAL, I WOULD HAVE SAID VALUE MEAL!”

Me: “Fine, that will be $1.87 at window two.”

(He drives up, I take his money and hand him the food.)

Drive-thru customer: “I’m gonna need ketchup for the fries.”

Me: “Sir, you only ordered the sandwich, not the value meal. I can ring up an order of fries now if you’d like.”

Drive-thru customer: “No, you screwed up my order! I’m NOT paying for extra fries!”

(Fed up, I throw some fries in a bag and hand them to him.)

Customer: “Wait, is it too late to substitute onion rings??”

Me: *slams window shut*

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On The Plus Side, You Can Cuss All You Want

| | Right | June 19, 2008

Me: “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

Half-deaf customer: “I’D LIKE THE FISH!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, can I get you something to drink?”

Half-deaf customer: “HE’LL TAKE THE STEAK!”

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