Too Much Black Coffee Puts You In The Red

| AZ, USA | Right | May 7, 2013

(Because we get such a large volume of customers, we make large urns of regular coffee out in the dining area. This is so customers don’t need to come to us for refills, and we can focus on the espresso orders. It is early in the morning, before we get many people; an elderly man walks in.)

Me: “Good morning, what can I get you, sir?”

Customer: *snaps* “Hellooooo?! I want a stupid cup of coffee. Gimme a decaf!”

Me: “Alright, would you like a large or a small?”

Customer: “Well, I get free refills, don’t I?! I can just pay for a small and drink as much as I want, right?”

(I am a little shocked at his frank dishonesty.)

Me: “Yes, sir, we leave the pots accessible to the customers on good faith. It operates on an honor system; technically there is no rule to prevent you from taking advantage of that.”

(He pays a little over a dollar for his mug, then takes a seat. It is still pretty slow, so we haven’t sold much coffee. In about 45 minutes he storms up to the counter.)

Customer: “What the h*** is it with you people? Your decaf is empty! And all the milk and cream is empty now, too!”

Me: “Wow. We had a fresh urn put out less than an hour ago, and we’ve had hardly any customers beside you. I wonder how it could be empty already?”

Customer: “Well you said I could drink as much as I wanted!”

Me: “You managed to drink that much?!”

(I turn to my manager.)

Me: “How much coffee do those things hold?”

Manager: “The standard is thirty cups.”

Customer: “I paid my freaking dollar for bottomless coffee, and I want my money’s worth!”

Manager: “Sir, I believe you’ve had your money’s worth and then some. When you abuse the free refill system, we end up not having any coffee for customers who actually compensate us, and it cuts into our profits. I don’t know how you could possibly have room for more, but I think it’s time to cut you off.”

Customer: “My dollar pays all of your salaries! Without people like me, you would go out of business!”

Manager: “If all our customers took advantage like you, we wouldn’t be able to cover our overhead. You drank several times the value what you paid for, so we’ve only lost money on this transaction.”

Customer: “It’s people like you who are ruining the economy! Thanks for the crappy service!”

(He storms out.)

Me: “Wow. I’d say he needs to switch to decaf, but apparently that’s not working out for him.”

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Pregnant With Potential

| Sarasota, FL, USA | Right | May 6, 2013

(I’m stocking shelves. A customer has been browsing the same aisle for quite some time. She is visibly pregnant, and looks as though she has been crying. She’s flipping through an envelope full of coupons and scrutinizing items before putting them back on the shelf. Another customer comes down the aisle and seems to pay her close attention for a moment. The second customer leaves the aisle but then comes back a few minutes later and hesitantly walks up to the pregnant customer.)

Nice Customer: “Excuse me. I may be way out of line, and please feel free to tell me to mind my own business if I am, but… are you afraid you’re going to have trouble paying for your groceries?”

Pregnant Customer: “Actually, yes I am. How did you know?”

Nice Customer: “A few years ago, I had a really difficult pregnancy. I was too sick to work and lost my job. It was a real struggle to make ends meet. I used to spend hours at the grocery store with every coupon I could find trying to save every penny I could. Looking at you was like looking in the mirror. Listen, I just went and checked out, and I came in a little under my weekly grocery budget. I know it’s not much, but I’d really like to give this to you.”

(She hands the pregnant woman a $20 bill. The woman promptly bursts into tears.)

Pregnant Customer: “You have no idea how much this means to me. My husband just left me for another woman. I have no idea how I’m going to support myself and my kid. My mother and brother died this year, and I have no one to lean on.”

Nice Customer: “After the hard times I went through, things got a lot better for me. It may sound like a cliché, but I believe you’ll get through this and be stronger than ever. Just hang in there, okay?”

Pregnant Customer: “Do you think maybe I could give you a hug?”

Nice Customer: “Of course.”

(The two women embrace for a long time. When they pull apart, they both wipe away tears. They don’t see, but so do I.)

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The Next Generation Versus The Last One

| IN, USA | Right | May 6, 2013

(I am visiting my friend. She has a lot of errands to run with her boyfriend. We go to the bank first. While they’re setting things up, I’m watching their daughter.)

Me: “Hey princess, what do you want to do while waiting?”

Friend’s Daughter: “Up!”

(I pick her up and twirl her around a few times while she giggles.)

Me: “Aww, you really like that! I’m gonna miss it when you’re too big for this.”

(A teller looks over and smiles at us.)

Teller: “She looks like a really happy kid.”

(I realize pretty quickly he thinks she is my daughter, but he’s being nice, so I don’t bother to correct him.)

Me: “Thanks!”

(As we talk, another customer is giving a disapproving glare both at my friend’s daughter, and at my hair, which is blonde at the ends.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed! Having a kid at your age, and setting such a bad example!”

(I’m stunned. I’m in my third year of college, and I realize I look younger than I am, but my friend’s daughter isn’t even two years old. My friends have finished with their deposit and head over.)

Me: “Hey princess, see mommy!”

Friend’s Daughter: “Mama!”

Friend: “Thanks for watching her!”

Me: “No problem!”

Customer: *embarrassed*

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Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2

| Memphis TN, USA | Right | May 6, 2013

(I’m an employee in a hardware store. I’m helping a young married couple. The wife is wearing a flattering, but form-fitting top. An old couple standing nearby is complaining loudly.)

Old Lady: “Young people today are so lazy! That’s why they’ve all gotten fat; they’re sitting around playing video games! And it makes it worse when they wear clothes that don’t fit! People who are old enough to know better shouldn’t wear clothes that are too tight; they make them look fatter! That girl right there; look at her! You can see her stomach pooch!”

(The young wife places her hand over her belly.)

Young Wife: “I’m… PREGNANT.”

Old Lady: “I… I, um… Well, I wasn’t talking… Let’s go, honey!”

(She grabs her husband, and they quickly leave.)

Young Husband: “Just to confirm; we’re not pregnant, right?”

Young Wife: “Nope, but that’s what the old b**** gets for talking s*** about strangers in public.”

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause

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The Regular Is Very Regular

| Armstrong, BC, Canada | Right | May 6, 2013

(One of our regular customers is a man in his 60s. He comes in every day for cigarettes or coffee.)

Regular: “I need to use your bathroom.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(He heads to the back and enters the bathroom. I help some customers. A few minutes later he comes out.)

Regular: “You know, I had to go poo. I guess I wasn’t quite fast enough; I pulled down my pants and it just came out. I got half of it in my underwear, and caught some in my hands.”

(There is a long, awfully awkward silence between my coworker and I.)

Regular: “Well, I’ll see you later!

(He leaves.)

Coworker: “Don’t worry about cleaning the bathroom; you’re new. I’ll do it.”

(My coworker goes to clean the bathroom; I can hear him moaning.)

Coworker: “Eww! He got his mess in the sink! How could he do that? The sink is FOUR FEET away from the toilet!”

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