He’s Got The Bear Necessities

| MN, USA | Right | September 9, 2013

(A little boy, around five or six, comes into my work with his parents. He has a scab below his eye.)

Me: “Hey, buddy! What happened to your eye?”

Boy: *looking down, embarrassed* “I fell off a chair.”

(I lean down, and whisper to him just loud enough for his parents to hear.)

Me: “Just tell people you got in a fight with a bear, and WON!”

Boy: *lights up* “Yeah! Dad, can I say that?”

Dad: “Well, that’s what happened, right? You got in a fight with a bear and WON!”

Boy: “YEAH!”

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Made A Good Call

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | September 8, 2013

(I’m a cashier, but we have the phones by us and answer all calls. A woman calls and is frantic; she’s lost her iPhone and explains what it looks like. It’s slow, so I go and hunt for it. I find it and call her back.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name] from [Store]. I found your phone and have it with me up at the registers. Whenever you’d like to come in and pick it up will be fine.”

Customer: “Oh, my God! Thank you, thank you! I’ll be in soon to grab it!”

(About 20 minutes later, a customer comes in and approaches me.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m the lady who lost her phone. Pink case, with white polka dots.”

Me: “Yep, I’ve got it right here. It wasn’t any trouble, really.”

Customer: “You’re the one who went and found it, right? Thank you so much! Here, take this!”

(She proceeds to put some money in my hand. I stammer and shake my head, but she insists.)

Customer: “I would’ve had to pay a lot more to replace the phone, and you were kind enough to find it and hold it for a klutz like me. I insist you take this and buy yourself something nice!”

(The customer then left, leaving me with a $40 tip that I used to buy sushi for my boyfriend and me!)

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No Common Scents, Part 3

| Wellington, New Zealand | Right | September 8, 2013

(I work in the call center, making bookings for vehicle maintenance. I have just booked the customer in for a service.)

Me: “Is there anything else you would like us to take a look at while your vehicle is with us?”

Customer: “Yes, last weekend I took a load of rubbish to the dump and the car smelt funny, but the smell was gone after a couple of days. Could you get the guys to take a look?”

Me: “So, you transported rubbish in your car and that made your car smell, but the smell has now gone, and you would like us to look into that?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…Not a problem.”

Related:
No Common Scents, Part 2
No Common Scents

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Of Mama Bears And Magic Hairs

| AB, Canada | Right | September 7, 2013

(I am working as a cashier. A very tall and slender man, in his late 20s, wearing all black, with shoulder length black hair, facial piercings, and white and black face make up, and his nails painted black comes up to my till.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything? Or is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: *in a very quiet low voice* “Um… yeah. I was wondering if you can hold this for a little while. Mama bear is done shopping over at [grocery store], and I need to go get her.”

Me: “Sure, if you just want to leave it here, I can put it under my till or you can take it to customer service.”

Customer: “I will leave it here.”

(The customer walks away. After about 15 minutes, he comes back to my till.)

Customer: “Hi, mama bear wasn’t finished, so I need to know if you can hold my stuff a while longer.”

Me: “Sure thing, that won’t be a problem.”

(He then proceeds to reach out a touch my hair.)

Customer: “I feel the energy of your hair. It wants you to know, it loves you.”

Me: “…”

(Once again he walks out the door. After another hour he comes back in with an older lady, in her 80s with a cane.)

Customer: “See Oma, this is who I was telling you about. Do you feel that energy?”

Old Lady: “Yes, she feels very light, like clouds.”

Me: “Are you ready to pay?”

Old Lady: “In a minute, dear.”

(This is when a middle aged lady, maybe 50, walks in grabs their hands and starts leading them toward the door without purchasing their items.)

Customer: “But mama bear, the hair!”

Coworker: “That was odd.”

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Time For A Tea-V

| UK | Right | September 7, 2013

(I am manning the phones late on a Saturday afternoon.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [TV service]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “The TV’s gone wrong. There will be somebody in at six to fix it. The football’s on tonight.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we cannot get anybody out until Monday.”

Caller: “You have gotta be f****** joking. You advertise 24-hour service.”

Me: “We have a 24-hour answering service to take the details. Repairs are carried out from 8 am until 6 pm, Monday through to Saturday.”

Caller: “Look, c***! Get somebody round my house now, or I’ll come round there and smash your f****** face in!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t help.”

Caller: “Okay ‘boy’, put me through to your boss. I want to talk to the organ grinder, not the monkey.”

(The boss is in the office with me, and has heard my half of the conversation. My boss picks up the phone, and puts it in speaker mode.)

Boss: “Good evening, sir. How can I be of assistance?”

Caller: “Your f****** ‘TEA BOY’ has told me I can’t get my TV fixed today!”

Boss: “The f****** tea boy is absolutely correct.”

(My boss puts the phone down on the caller, cutting him off in mid-flow of swear words. He looks over and smiles.)

Boss: “That’s the way to handle them. Now, how about a cup of tea now that you have been promoted?”

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