First Day Back And Already Pooped

| USA | Right | February 18, 2014

(A customer runs in.)

Customer: *breathlessly* “Where’s your bathroom?”

Me: “Down the hall to the right.”

Customer: *runs off*

(I see him a few minutes later, walking back.)

Customer: “Thanks… Uh, could you tell the person who cleans the bathrooms that I’m sorry?”

Me: *confused* “That you’re sorry?”

Customer: “Yes I tried to hold it in but… I didn’t make it in time.” *leaves*

(I go to the men’s bathroom and take a peek. Feces are everywhere, on the walls, on the floor, on the mirror. It looks like an explosion. I close the door. Sometime later the bathroom cleaner walks in.)

Bathroom Cleaner: “Hey, [My Name]. Good afternoon.”

Me: “Hey. Oh, before you go—”

(Too late, she’s already opened the door to the men’s.)

Bathroom Cleaner: “WHAT THE H*** HAPPENED HERE?”

Me: “Er, well…” *explains*

Bathroom Cleaner: “Geez! I just got back from vacation, to feces on the wall!”

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How You Can Tell How Smart People Are

| Right | February 17, 2014

you-can-tell-how-smart-people-are

Dumb Questions

| Right | February 17, 2014

don-t-worry-our-staff-is-accustomed-to-dumb-questions-funny-poster

Some Requests Are Too Exotic

| CA, USA | Right | February 17, 2014

Customer: “Hi. I would like to confirm my order of exotic Mexican dancers for my brother’s bachelor party.”

Me: “Um, sir, are you sure you have the right number? This—”

Customer: “I am getting late! I ordered them yesterday!”

Me: “Sir, this is [Home Retail Store]'”

Customer: “Yeah, I know that! What am I, an idiot?”

Me: “Um—”

Customer: “Of course you would have Mexican dancers! Are you even qualified to work here? Even a KID would know that!”

Me: “Er… sir, are you sure you are calling the right place? THIS IS [HOME RETAIL STORE]. Let me repeat, sir. NOT MEXICO.”

Customer: “SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH THIS WOMAN A LESSON ABOUT HER JOB! WHAT KIND OF EMPLOYEE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEIR PRODUCTS ARE?”

(Another employee comes up to me and mouths, ‘I’ll deal with him.’)

Employee: “Sir, what are you looking for?”

Customer: “I’M LOOKING FOR EXOTIC MEXICAN DANCERS FOR A BACHELOR PARTY! YOUR D*** EMPLOYEE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE IS DOING!”

Employee: “Oh, I found your order. Repeat your order for me please?” *winks at me*

Customer: “Finally! Someone who knows their job! The number is [number].”

Employee: “Thank you for your order. For the inconvenience, you will get them free. Expect them around 6:30 pm. Enjoy your party!”

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You Can’t Top That

| USA | Right | February 17, 2014

(I work at a frozen yogurt shop that charges customers by weight of what they make. It is not uncommon for customers to realize it is cheaper than expected and go back to add more toppings. I am working the register. The customer puts his cup on the scale in front of the register.)

Me: “That will be $2.86.”

Customer: “Really? Can I go back and add more toppings or something?”

Me: “Sure, that won’t be a problem!”

(The customer turns to look at the pumps for hot chocolate and caramel, and then comes back to the register. He sees the large bottle of hand sanitizer on the end of the counter.)

Customer: “Ooh! What’s this?” *pumps into cup*

Me: “…”

Customer: “… Well. That wasn’t very smart, was it?”

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