Ballooning Demands

| TX, USA | Right | March 20, 2014

(Saturdays are our busiest days for filling balloon orders for parties of all sorts, so we usually have clusters of balloons placed in large bags, lying to the side of our counter for customers to pick up.)

Customer: “How much are your balloons?”

Me: *trying to fill a balloon order* “They’re $1.29 apiece, unless you choose over 20. If you decide to order 20 or more, they’re 99 cents apiece.”

Customer: “And how much would 30 be?”

Me: “Well they’d be 99 cents, so that’d pretty much be around thirty bucks.”

Customer: “And if I got a balloon bouquet? How many would be in that?”

Me: “Depends on how many you want.”

Customer: “But how many are in a bouquet?”

Me: *pauses* “How many do you want?”

Customer: *getting irate* “How many are in your bouquet?”

Me: “There’s no set amount. You choose however many balloons you want, and then we make the bouquet from that.”

Customer: “So if I just wanted one balloon?”

Me: “Well, you would have to choose more than one to make a balloon bouquet, but if you want to make a bouquet of one, you can.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take 90.”

Me: “Okay.” *pulls out order form* “When would you like to pick it up?”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “I’m sorry. What day are you placing the order for?”

Customer: “Right now.”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t do it right now. If you can’t tell, Saturday is a busy day and we have seven more orders to fill within the hour. At best, we can have it filled in four hours, maybe three. There’s no way we can fill it right now.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because all these other customers have pre-ordered and pre-paid for their balloon bouquets to pick up within the next two hours, that’s why! We can’t just stop on theirs to fill your order.”

Customer: “Well, give me some of theirs!”

Me: “No, we can’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair to just take their balloons to give to you. We’d still have to fill that order. It would set us back heavily.”

Customer: “But I need them soon!”

Me: “Okay. When do you absolutely need them and what are you needing?”

Customer: “I need 90 balloons in [different color balloons] for my son’s birthday. It’s going to be in an hour.”

Me: “Wow. Okay. You really should have come this morning, or even yesterday, to put your order in. I will talk with my manager to see what we can do.”

(I talk with manager, who says we can try to do it within the hour, but the woman will have to cut her order in half. I relay this info to her.)

Customer: “WHAT? No way! I want 90 balloons!”

Me: “We just can’t fill that order right now. There’s no way we can get your balloons filled along with all these other orders at the same time!”

Customer: *glares at me* “I want to talk to your manager.”

(I call my manager over and go back to filling balloons. My manager apparently talks her down to 50 balloons and promises to try and have it filled within an hour. Ten minutes later, we catch the woman trying to steal 3 other bouquets that have been pre-paid for. When we stopped her, she stomped on one of the bags holding a larger balloon bouquet and popped 11 balloons. She didn’t get any balloons from us and now is barred from our store.)

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Needs A System That’s The Cat’s Meow

| USA | Right | March 20, 2014

(I work for a company that sells audio equipment.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I help you with an order? ”

Customer: “I need your system!”

Me: “Well, we have a lot of great items in our product line, but you’ll have to be more specific. What system are you looking at today?”

Customer: “The CD player! I had one but it broke and I need yours to play my special CDs!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. What kind of special CDs do you want it to play?”

Customer: “The ones I got for my cat. It’s special music to help felines relax.”

Me: “So they’re regular CDs for your cat. Okay, I can help with that.”

Customer: “I alternate back and forth, one CD of his music, then one of mine. It has to play both.”

Me: “I can assure you that on the [Model Name] you’ll both be able to enjoy your favorite songs together.”

Customer: “Oh, no. No, we can’t do that. He’s in kitty heaven now, but will it play his CDs?”

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Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 4

| TX, USA | Right | March 20, 2014

Customer: *at my closed register* “Can you check me out?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m closing this register. The next register is open, and my associate can check you out.”

Customer: *sighs* “Her line is too long. I need you to do it. I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “I can’t. As soon as I opened this register to count the till, it’s officially closed. I can’t do anything about it. You’ll have to go to the next register.”

Customer: *glares at me and leaves her full buggy in front of me* “I’m going to pray against you tonight.”

Coworker: “I bet she will, too.”

Related:
Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 3
Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2
Lack of Register Does Not Register

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Needs To Go To 911, 101

| SC, USA | Right | March 20, 2014

Me: “911, what’s the address of your emergency?”

Caller: “I need the number for the phone company.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is 911. Do you have an emergency?”

Caller: “I need the number for the phone company!”

Me: “Okay, so just to clarify: you do not have an emergency at this time?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Call me back at this number and I’ll see what I can do to help you.”

(At this point I gave her the non-emergency number and she hung up. I grabbed the phone book while I waited on her to call back.)

Me: “This is the [City] Police Department. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need the number for the phone company.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ve got the phone book in front of me now. There are three numbers listed here, which do you need? I have one for billing, one for establishing service, and one for repairs.”

Caller: “No! I need the number for the phone company that I can call and get someone else’s phone number.”

Me: *pause* “Do you mean 411, ma’am?”

Caller: “Yes! That’s it! Thanks!” *click*

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They’re Magically Cannibalicious!

| Northern Ireland, UK | Right | March 20, 2014

(I work in a small store in Northern Ireland where we sell some American imports but for quite a bit more expensive prices.)

Me: “That’ll be £6.95, ma’am.”

Customer: “How dare you try to scam your customers?!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Selling Lucky Charms for seven dollars? That is preposterous. At home they are only two dollars in Target.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we do have to import them… This IS Northern Ireland.”

Customer: “This is part of Ireland?”

Me: “I guess you could say that.”

Customer: “I’m so sorry! I didn’t think about how I might be offending you! Don’t worry this cereal isn’t really leprechauns. We wouldn’t eat your relatives!” *pays and leaves without cereal*

(My manager got a call later that night saying that the cereal was for me and that she was very sorry for ‘acting like some sort of cannibal.’)

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