Fast Food And Speed Dating

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Right | November 27, 2013

Me: “Okay, you want a hamburger, hold the onions, with mustard and regular fries.”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “Can I have a date?”

Customer: “Oh no, you’re much too old for me.”

Me: “A birth date. So we can call out your order. Like October 22nd?”

(After the customer leaves, the owner turns to me.)

Owner: “She could have at least lied and said she was already with someone.”

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Giving Her A Little Flight

| USA | Right | November 27, 2013

(It is 8 am on Thanksgiving morning, and I am at the airport to fly to my mom’s home in Michigan. This is my second flight with this airline. The last time, I had money on a card to pay for my luggage, but they said they only took cash. I go up to the ticket counter.)

Me: “Hello! I have a 9 am flight to Detroit.”

Worker: “Alright, your luggage fee comes up to $50. How would you like to pay for that?”

(I put my cash on the counter and smile.)

Worker: “I’m sorry, but we only take credit or debit cards. Do you want to bill this to the card you purchased your flight with?”

Me: “But the last time, they said I needed to pay in cash. I put money on the card specifically for the ticket. All I can do is pay in cash!”

Worker: “It’s fine. Just go. Happy Thanksgiving!”

(I tried to give her the cash multiple times, but she couldn’t accept it. To that worker, I am so very sorry for the mix up, but because of your kindness, I made it home in time to spend Thanksgiving with my family, and I will be eternally grateful for your kindness!)

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I Do Work Here, Does Not Work Here

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | November 27, 2013

(It is Valentine’s Day, and I work at one of the more popular restaurants in the city. When I arrive to start my shift there is a long line of couples coming out of the doors. I am clearly in my work uniform, and I approach the door to start my shift. The first customer in line throws his hand in front of me to block the door.)

Customer #1: “Whoa, man, can you not see the line?”

Me: “Excuse me? No, sorry, sir; I work here.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, nice try. Back of the line.”

Me: “Sir, I clearly work here, as you can see by my uniform and name tag. If you don’t mind, my shift starts in a few minutes and I’d rather not be late.”

Customer #1’s Girlfriend: “Look, buddy, we’ve been waiting here for 30 minutes. No silly costume is gonna get you in ahead of me.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, my girl deserves the best, so don’t think you’re gonna take it away from her on Valentine’s Day. So why don’t you just go and wait like the rest of us before I f*** you up!”

Me: “Look, sir, I don’t understand why you don’t believe me, but I really do work here and I’m meant to be inside right now! Can you please just let me go to work?”

(Customer #2, standing in line behind Customer #1, decides to chime in.)

Customer #2: “Look, mate, he’s made it quite clear to you that he works here. Why don’t you just let him through?”

(Note: Customer #1 is clearly a good few inches taller and more muscular than Customer #2.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me? Did you really want to get involved?”

Customer #2: “Uh, no! Sorry!” *to me* “Sorry, mate, I tried.”

(At this point, I am already a good few minutes late, and my phone starts to ring.)

Me: “Hello?”

Manager: “[My Name], where the h*** are you? One of the busiest nights of the year and you choose to be late now?”

Me: “I’m right outside. I have been for ten minutes, but this customer won’t let me through because he doesn’t believe I work here!”

Manager: “What?! Hang on.”

(My manager hangs up and comes outside to find me barricaded by the customers. He looks at me, but points at Customer #1 and his girlfriend.)

Manager: “Is this them?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Look, do you want to explain to me why you’ve made my best worker late?”

Customer #1: “What? He doesn’t actually work here, does he?”

Manager: “I don’t want to deal with this tonight. Take your girlfriend and leave. There’s no chance of you getting a table after all this. [My Name], come inside and I’ll check the tapes later so I don’t have to mark you late.”

(Customer #1 and his girlfriend were banned from the restaurant. Even better, Customer #2 ended up giving me a huge tip!)

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 12
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

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A Blockhead’s Calling

| OR, USA | Right | November 27, 2013

(I am working in a call center providing customer care support for a major wireless provider.)

Me: “Thank you for being the best part of [Company]. My name is [Name]. With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with this evening?”

Caller: “[Caller’s Name].”

Me: “Alright, and I see that you’ve already verified through our automated system. Thank you very much for that. And what can I help you with tonight?”

Caller: “I want to know how to block calls.”

Me: “Alright, I can certainly help you out with that. I see here that you’re using an iPhone 4s; iOS 7 has the—

Caller: “No, I just want to block calls. I keep getting texts from someone who apparently knew whoever had this number before me, and they won’t stop. I just want to block the messages.”

Me: “I understand that, sir, and I was just trying to go over all your options for doing so. As I was saying, iOS 7 has the built-in ability to block calls. Alternatively, our block-call feature has the ability to block calls. That normally costs $4.99 a month, but there is a 90 day free trial for that.”

Caller: “You mean you charge me nine-f********-ninety-nine to f****** block calls?!?”

Me: “Well, sir, that was $4.99, but yes, that is a feature we do charge for.”

Caller: “Is there a supervisor I can speak to?”

Me: “I can certainly get you our next level of support, but I’ll need to place you on a brief hold while I get them on the line.”

Caller: “You do that.”

(Before I can place him on hold, he decides to make a comment to someone in the background, without moving the phone away.)

Caller: “Stupid f****** hick must be real happy with his f****** call center job.”

(I decide to respond in the most polite tone I can muster.)

Me: “Well, sir, I wouldn’t say I enjoy it, but it does pay the bills. Let me put you on that hold, now, so I can get you our next level support.”

(The caller hung up before I could get a manager on the line, and he didn’t answer when the manager tried to call him back. I can’t imagine why…)

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Giving You Hell(sinki)

| London, England, UK | Right | November 26, 2013

(I work in retail, but my shift is over and I am sitting at a café near my work place reading a newspaper. A regular customer of my store, who is always rude and demanding, approaches me. It should be very clear to anyone that I’m not working at the moment, but it doesn’t seem to bother her at all.)

Customer: “I’ve been meaning to ask about your name. Why do you have such an unusual name?”

Me: “It’s a Finnish name.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Finland, the country.”

Customer: “Why would you have a Finnish name? Were your parents hippies or something? No wonder you can’t get ahead in life.”

(I ignore the insult, since I’ve seen her throw tantrums from the smallest provocation.)

Me: “My parents are Finns, as am I.”

Customer: “You are not from Finland! You don’t have an accent and you don’t look foreign!”

Me: “Well thank you, but I really am from Finland.”

Customer: “I should have known! You’re here to leech off our welfare!”

Me: “You’ve seen me working, right?”

Customer: “So what? Why would you come here if not for the benefits?!”

Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but my whole family is living here for a year because of my father’s work. My father wanted that I and my brother come along, even though we haven’t lived with our parents for a few years now. He just wanted us to have the experience and to be near us. He pays for our rent and expenses, but my brother and I decided to get jobs because we know that he is really stretching his funds to make this happen.”

Customer: “A simple question, how much do you get in government hand outs in a month?”

Me: “I haven’t asked for or received a single penny from the British government. And furthermore, if I wanted to live on benefits I would have been better off staying in Finland.”

Customer: “Liar! Finland is a third world communist country and you are all too lazy to do anything about it. You should be trying to better yourself in your homeland, to help it out of the hole it has gotten itself into, not run away to live on OUR money! That’s why you are here, I know it! I am the customer! I’m coming to call your shop tomorrow to make a complaint about you!”

(I want to avoid her coming to the store to complain, because no one wants to deal with her rage fits.)

Me: “Okay, you are right. I’m here to take your tax money and jobs as well. I’m sorry about that, but you know how things are in Finland. We would have starved over there, or we might have been put into prison for our anti-communist views.”

Customer: “Well, I guess it’s understandable in some cases. At least you had the decency to learn our language!”

(She suddenly cheered up and offered to buy me coffee. I declined because I couldn’t think of a more hellish situation than having coffee with her. After that, she always asked for the foreign boy, meaning me, when she came to the store. She was still the rudest and most demanding customer. Lucky me.)

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