It’s All Sliding Downhill From Here

| IN, USA | Right | June 26, 2014

(An elderly gentleman wearing a wife beater that is tucked into his underwear slowly makes his way to the counter to pick up his pizza. After a seemingly normal transaction with a sane customer, he picks up his pizza and turns to walk out the door. As he turns he tilts the pizza vertically and puts it under his arm (like carrying a book). I and some fellow employees watch in amazement as we imagine the hot pizza cheese sliding into a clump.)

Manager: “He’s going to be calling back…”

(About fifteen minutes later, the phone rings.)

Me: “[Pizza], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to a manager, please.”

Me: “Right away.”

Manager: “This is [Manager]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my pizza was clumped on one side of the box and the cheese had slide off the pizza. I’d like a new one!”

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Turning Right Is Apparently Wrong

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | June 26, 2014

(I work in a campground that is just outside of the city limits. We are off a highway that has the ‘Welcome to our city’ sign on it, and which is the only way in or out of the city for miles. A customer comes in with a GPS.)

Customer: “I’d like to get into the city. What should I program into the GPS?”

Me: “Oh, it’s quite simple, just exit the campground and turn right. The highway leads into the city.”

Customer: “But what should I program into the GPS?”

Me: “Are you looking for a particular location?”

Customer: “No, I just want to get into the city itself. Can you tell my GPS what directions it should give me?”

Me: “All you have to do is turn right and follow the highway. You won’t need your GPS. Once you pass the ‘Welcome’ sign you should begin to see buildings.”

Customer: “But how do I get into the city? I need my GPS to tell me what to do!”

(I give up, and program the GPS with the coordinates of a gas station just past the ‘Welcome’ sign.)

GPS: “Turn right. In five kilometers, you will reach your destination.”

Customer: “Hey, the city is just down the road! You could have just told me to turn right!”

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Gno Entry

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Right | June 26, 2014

(Our front desk is very large, and in the winter it can get chilly. We recently installed a large piece of glass to help deflect the cold air coming from the entrance. By the end of the first week I was tired of answering the same two questions about the glass.)

Regular Patron: “This glass is new. When was it put in?”

Me: “Monday.”

Regular Patron: “Why did they put it in?”

Me: “To keep the gnomes out.”

Regular Patron: *nods slowly and gravely* “Oh, yes, I understand.”

(The patron walked off perfectly satisfied.)

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Roadkill Is A Feline-y

| UK | Right | June 26, 2014

(I’ve just started working on the reception and a customer comes rushing in.)

Customer: “Oh, my god, you have to help. I’ve just run over a cat!”

Me: “I think the vet is still in the building. If you bring the cat straight through to the back I’ll run and get him.”

Customer: “I don’t have it with me!”

Me: “Is someone else bringing it in? How injured is it? We can get everything ready.”

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s on [motorway at least 10 miles away], and I just wanted you to let the owner know.”

Me: “So… you hit it on the motorway? And you want me to find the owner and let them know?”

Customer: “Yes, please. I already feel terribly guilty and would feel worse knowing the owner didn’t know.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll do my best. Thanks?”

Enough To Make You Go Postal

| NY, USA | Right | June 25, 2014

(Like many other call centers, if a customer immediately wants to speak to a supervisor, we’re supposed to get as much information as possible and see if we can solve the problem ourselves, since the number of escalations is factored into performance reviews and bonuses. I overhear a coworker on a call.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [Coworker]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I want to speak to a supervisor.”

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, but first may I ask what the issue is and have your account number, so that my supervisor can better assist you?”

Caller: “It’s [number], and I’m calling because I lost my user manual and requested a replacement, but I never received it! I want the person I talked to before fired!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. When did you request the replacement?”

Caller: “Ten minutes ago!”

(My coworker looks at the account and sees there was an order placed a few minutes before for a free physical copy of the manual to be sent out.)

Coworker: “Oh, I do see the order here, but they must’ve misunderstood. You wanted it via email?”

Caller: “No, regular mail.”

Coworker: “… then it wouldn’t have arrived yet, ma’am. The order was placed, but it needs to ship out. You should have it within two business days, unless you want it sent via email instead.”

Caller: “No, regular mail! Don’t argue with me! I’m not doing this for me! I’m doing it for you!”

(This goes back and forth for a couple of minutes, but eventually she hangs up without speaking to a supervisor, though she still demands that the previous agent be fired.)

Coworker: “I bet she’ll call back wanting ME to be fired for not teleporting her user manual to her.”

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