(On the phone with my boyfriend when I asked him about zombie apocalypse and things.)

Me: “So what would you do if I become a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “Hmmm, I’ll let you bite me so we can become zombies together.”

Me: “Aww, cute.”

Boyfriend: “Wait, I changed my mind. Though you’re a zombie I’ll still take care of you and help you put on make up and play dress up because you’ll love that.”

Me: “That is why I love you.”

(My boyfriend and I are standing in my kitchen when I decide to ask him the age old question.)

Me: “What would you do if I was turned into a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’d be really sad… but in all actuality, probably double tap.”

Me: “What would you do if I became a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “I would freeze you while I worked on a cure.”

Me: “So you’d kill me, and just delay your grief by pretending that I could have actually survived the freezing process?”

Boyfriend: “Zombies can totally survive freezing.”

Me: “So the evil cryogenic scientists would have you believe. It’s just a scam to make money off of rich dead people.”

Boyfriend: “That’s the difference between you and me. You believe in science.”

Me: “What do you believe in?”

Boyfriend: “Max Brooks.”

(Half-asleep after a long day, my boyfriend and I are chatting on the bed. He’s beginning to be incoherent, and that’s the moment I chose to ask him the big question.)

Me: “What would you do if we were attacked by zombies and I got bitten?”

Boyfriend: “I would fall asleep.”

Me: “Wait, what? Why?”

Boyfriend: “Because it couldn’t be anything but a nightmare. So, I would stay asleep to escape the zombies.”

Me: “You mean if you’re asleep, the zombies can’t touch you?”

Boyfriend: “That’s right. So go to sleep with me, sweetheart, and don’t you worry. As long as you’re sleeping in my arms no zombie can ever attack you.”

(Best defensive advice ever! Sleep it off!)

(My girlfriend lives a few states away from me which leaves calling and texting our only means of communication. One day a thought struck me in the middle of our conversation.)

Me: “Hey, if I ever became a zombie, would you kill me?”

Girlfriend: “Babe, I work in a hospital. That’s zombie ground zero. You live in the middle of nowhere Texas border where everyone already is in family clans, lives on farms, and is heavily armed. There’s no way you’re becoming a zombie before me.”

Me: “This is zombie apocalypse zone! If we get overrun, there’s nowhere TO run, we’re screwed!”

Girlfriend: “I’m on the same floor as the morgue.”

Me: “… I promise I’ll kill you.”