The Very Short Adventures Of Captain Creepy

(I am doing my grocery shopping and notice a rather creepy looking guy that just happens to always be in the same aisle as me. I check out and he leaves behind me. I see him get into his car and follow me. I drive up a few random streets in a non-direct route that makes no sense and he is always in my rear view. Finally I pull into a gas station to call my husband and tell him the situation. He says not to worry, and come home. Sure enough Captain Creepy is waiting and follows me home. He pulls up behind me as I park and start unloading the groceries. I see my husband standing in the open kitchen window watching.)

Creep: “Hey, baby, I saw you at the grocery store and wanted to know if I could borrow some sugar. I need something sweet.”

Me: “Well, I didn’t buy any sugar today, but there might be some inside.” *yelling to my husband* “HONEY! DO WE HAVE ANY SUGAR FOR THIS NICE GENTLEMAN?”

(My husband comes out the door a couple moments later casually sharpening the largest knife from our kitchen.)

Husband: “No, darling, I just used up the last of it making the marinade for the last a**-hole who followed you home from the store. Did you get charcoal and establish an alibi?”

(Captain Creepy didn’t stick around after that.)