Stupid Cupid

(I’m sitting at a table with my grandfather at my cousin’s reception. She is the only granddaughter older than I am. My grandfather is notorious for his attempts to set up my cousin, prior to her engagement.)

(A camera flash goes off in my face.)

Me: “Ah! My eyes! What was that for?”

Grandpa: “For the bowling alley.”

Me: “What?”

Grandpa: “For the personal ad. I’m going to put it up in the bowling alley back home, just like I did with [cousin].”

Me: “Grandpa, really? I’m only 20. I thought you didn’t start this with [cousin] until she was 23?”

Grandpa: “It’s never too early. By the time I was your age, I was married and already had a kid.”

Me: “Come on, Grandpa. I don’t need your help.”

Grandpa: “What’s your phone number, so I can put it with the ad?”

Me: “Grandpa, you live in a retirement community!”