Acting Like A Has-Bean

Customer: “Excuse me, how much is one coffee bean?”

Me: “One bean?”

Customer: “Yes, just one.”

Me: “Can I ask why you want a single bean?”

Customer: “Just tell me the price!”

Me: “Uh… well, they’re [price] per pound, so you could try to weigh one bean and work it out from there.”

Customer: “Perfect!”

(She weighs one bean. The scale comes up ‘0lb, 0oz’.)

Me: “Well, I guess if you just want one bean you can take it, although you won’t get much coffee from it.”

Customer: “That won’t be a problem.”

(She grabs the entire stack of bulk bags, and begins placing a single bean in each one, weighing it, and then printing out a price tag.)

Me: “Wha… hey! You can’t—”

(My manager suddenly appears.)

Manager: “Shush, let her finish.”

(It takes the customer nearly half an hour to load up as much coffee as she wants. She proceeds to an automatic checkout, but after scanning her second free bean, the machine stops.)

Automatic Checkout: “If you have combined two of the same item, please combine them.”

Customer: “D*** it!”

Manager: “Oh, I’m sorry. These machines can be kind of picky. I’ll get that for you.”

(He stacks the entire mound of bagged coffee beans onto a scale, weighs it, and then presents her with the now massively inflated price.)

Customer: “I… hey! I’m not paying that much! Put them back.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, I’m not permitted to return food to the shelves once it’s been handled.”

(They argue, and finally the shopper gives up and pays for the beans—and the bags. After the customer leaves, my manager returns.)

Me: “She paid!? We were all expecting her to throw them on the ground and run out!”

(I was actually correct! When I left the store, I noticed dozens of bulk bags strewn around the parking lot!)