The Grinch Who Guards The Train

(My best mate and I are getting on a train after being at a friend’s Christmas party at her cousin’s house where we knew no one. Getting on the train with us is a friend of our friend who we met at the party. As we step onto the train, the guy yells really loud.)

Guy: “MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!”

(As we go to sit down a train guard barrels down the platform to where we’re sitting and get really close to the guys face.)

Guard: “Are we going to have an issue?”

Guy: “Nah, mate, just wishing everyone a good Chrissie is all.”

(Guard stands back.)

Guard: “All right, just don’t yell s***.” *gets off train*

Guy: “F*** me, he needs a root, a nap, or a strong drink.”