You’ve Soiled Coworker Relations Here

I’m at work eating a homemade trail mix; it’s a bit of a treat, full of dried fruit, nuts, dark chocolate, and cereal.

Coworker: “Oh, lots of fructose in that!”

Me: *Joking* “Probably what makes it taste so good.”

Coworker: “No, seriously, don’t you know fructose is bad for you? You shouldn’t eat that!”

Me: “Err, I’m pretty sure I’m fine with eating it, thank you. I don’t need dietary advice from you.”

Coworker: *Huffs* “You don’t have to be rude about it!”

I manage to make myself feel bad about it but put it out of my mind. She will probably make another complaint, but until then, I enjoy my snack.

The next week, I bring more in but don’t get around to eating it right away. Luckily, when I do, I spot something odd in the mix: brown, soft, and odorless. It takes me a few minutes to release that it’s soil! And the only person with a plant on her desk is [Coworker].

I march right over to her.

Me: “I know what you did and I’m going to make you pay for it.”

Coworker: “Prove it!”

Me: “I don’t need to; there’s a camera right there! And as soon as [Manager] gets back, I’m reporting you!”

She went pale and begged me to reconsider. When the manager came back, she rushed in before me and tried to say that it was a friendly prank “gone wrong,” but I made it clear that it was malicious and could be treated as poisoning, especially if there was plant food in the soil.

It all got escalated to Human Resources, and she was given a final written warning and had her desk moved out of the office.

That was a bit of a shame as she will probably never realise that there was no camera, only one of those alarm motion sensors.