You’ve Burned Your Bed And Now You Must Lie In It

This is a chat transcript from the online support of our furniture store.

Guest: “Hi, I need a new bed.”

Me: “I am happy to help, [Guest]. Are you looking to place a new order or file a warranty claim on a mattress you feel has a manufacturing defect?”

Guest: “Warranty claim for my bed. My grandmother purchased it. Her customer ID is [number].”

Me: “Please visit [Warranty Website] to start the free Warranty eClaim. If you follow the step-by-step instructions and submit the required pictures, you will receive a response within five to ten business days. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

Guest: “I cannot provide pictures; bed destroyed.”

Me: “What do you mean, it is destroyed?”

Guest: “House fire.”

Me: “I am so sorry to hear that. However, that is not a manufacturing defect. You would need to file a claim with your home insurance.”

Guest: “It’s all about money to you companies!” *Ends chat*