You’ve Been Axed From The Set

, , , , | Legal | January 26, 2020

(I am working on a film set as a stunt fighter and as the fight choreographer. As a rule, I will be either a fighter OR the choreographer because you can’t safely oversee a fight scene if you’re in the middle of it, but I had a chance to have a nice gory death — axe to the face — early on day three and couldn’t resist. We shoot my death and I spend the next ten hours managing the battle scene and, by the time we wrap, I am exhausted and don’t bother going back to make up to get my prosthetics off and, since I am wearing my own armour, I hop in my car and head off. Then, I get randomly stopped by the police. A young officer swaggers over to my car, leans into the window, and says:)

Officer: “Holy f***! Are you okay? I can have an ambulance here right away! Oh, my God, what happened?!”

(That was when I remembered that I was still wearing the makeup from being murdered in the face with an axe. As I was exhausted from three sixteen-hour days of filming, instead of explaining to the officer that it was makeup from a film set, I just dug my hand into the wound and pulled off a huge chunk of makeup, which is when the officer barfed on my car. Apparently, he wasn’t ready to see someone with a massive facial wound dig their whole hand into the wound and tear off what appeared to be half their face.)

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