You’re The One About To Pop

(I work in a movie theater. Our popper needs some maintenance work one morning, meaning it will take about ten minutes after we open before we have popcorn. I cringe, knowing what’s about to happen.)

Customer #1: “Large popcorn.”

Me: “I apologize, but our popper is having some quick maintenance work this morning, so there will be about a ten-minute wait before we have popcorn ready.”

Customer #1: “This is ridiculous! A movie theater without popcorn?!”

Me: “We do, indeed, have popcorn; we just needed to do some quick maintenance work on the popper this morning—”

Customer #1: *interrupting* “This is disgraceful…. disgraceful! Movie theaters should have popcorn!”

([Customer #1] storms off.)

Customer #2: “Did I just hear this theater doesn’t have popcorn?”

Me: “We do; it’ll just be about ten minutes, because the popper needs some quick maintenance work.”

Customer #2: “How can a movie theater not have popcorn?! This is stupid!”

([Customer #2] storms off.)

Customer #3: “Small popcorn, please.”

Me: “I apologize, but the popper is having some quick maintenance work done. We should have it back up within ten minutes. I can ring you up now and deliver it to your seat, if you’d like.”

Customer #3: “There’s no popcorn?! This is a movie theater, you know!”

Me: “Yes, I am aware of that. And we do have popcorn; it’ll just be a few minutes.”

Customer #3: “Don’t you r*****s know that movie theaters are supposed to have popcorn?! I want a refund! I came here specifically wanting popcorn and skipped breakfast because of it! Now, I’ll go hungry, and it’s your fault!”

(It took every ounce of patience to not hurl the 50-pound bags of popcorn kernels we have on the counter just to prove we did have popcorn.)