You’re Number Two Because You’re A POS

I’m reminded of an incident decades ago that I can now tell now that most people involved have likely retired. My coworker has recently been promoted to be a client caseworker (the industry we’re in doesn’t matter), same as me. He’s very competitive and trying to be ‘number one’ in the office, which is a position I currently hold.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], where did you put the file for [Client] that I left here last night?”

Coworker: “I filed it.”

Me: “Why? I wasn’t done with it.”

Coworker: “I took care of the client and processed their case.”

Me: “You did what?! But they’re my client.”

Coworker: “Then you should have taken care of it instead of leaving early last night.”

Me: “I left at 8 PM last night.”

Coworker: “Well, now you need to work harder since I’m here.”

Me: “Fine, if having no work/life balance isn’t an issue for you. It’ll be nice to go home at 5 PM today.”

Coworker: “Whatever, be like that.”

Me: “I’m not that bothered.”

Coworker: “Pfft.”

Me: “But you seem to be bothered that I’m not bothered.”

Coworker: “Whatever. At least now I’m making more money than you!”

Me: “Good, since I’m clearly living rent-free in your head.”

Boss: *Walking past.* “[Coworker], don’t engage in a battle of wits when you’re so outgunned. Also, if I hear of you taking credit for someone else’s client-work in the future, you can go pack your things, capiche?”

He angrily silences himself, and we both go back to work. He quits within a month when he realizes he’s back to the number two spot despite putting in more hours (something to do with being too aggressive with his clients) and had a mini-meltdown over it.