You’re Going To Want To Sit Down For This One

(Our restaurant is quite small, with normal seating as well as bar seating. During one Saturday lunchtime, it’s busy and there’s not a single seat free. We are also at the back of a deli, which sells most items to take away. A group of six arrives at the door to the restaurant section.)

Me: “Good afternoon!”

Customer: “Hi, do you have room for six?”

Me: *looking around even though I know there definitely isn’t* “I’m really sorry, but we’re full at the moment! It’s the lunch rush, but if you want to come back later, or wait to see if someone leaves…”

Customer: *interrupting* “Oh, we don’t want lunch, only coffees.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I thought you meant to sit. We can do takeaway coffees from the deli section.”

Customer: “No, we want coffee, sitting down. You’re a restaurant aren’t you?!”

Me: “Well, yes, of course, but there’s currently no free seating at all. You’re welcome to wait, and have coffee if space becomes free but-“

Customer: “What kind of place is this? It’s lunchtime! Are you so up yourself that you only serve people who are eating? What’s wrong with just having coffee? We’re all customers no matter how much you spend! Stop being so greedy, you’ll lose customers!”

Me: *I am now being called over to many tables as this conversation continues* “I… I… We have no seating, no matter whether you were spending hundreds we could not sit you, when other customers who are just as important, are already sitting and eating.. Like I said, you’re welcome to get takeaway coffees from the deli behind you, or wait for seating. I’m needed, please excuse me.”

(I walked off. They stood around for about five minutes, staring at everyone. Other people who overheard started giggling at them. Then they just left. Odd.)