You’re Accidentally Killing Me Here

(My boyfriend, two of his friends, and I are playing an online survival game together. We’ve met up and are adventuring together, using TeamSpeak to communicate instead of the in-game voice chat to keep our conversations private and not give away our position.)

Friend #1: “Hey [Boyfriend] didn’t you pick up a scope for [Friend #2]’s sniper rifle?”

Boyfriend: “Oh yeah! Hey [Friend #2], come here and get this! It’s damaged but it will still work.”

(Friend #2 picks up the scope, attaches it to his rifle, and then climbs a nearby deer stand.)

Friend #2: “Hey, [Boyfriend], go run around out in that field and let me see how well I can see you.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

Me: *jokingly* “Shoot him, [Friend #2]!”

(Friend #2 starts to shoot, obviously not aiming at my boyfriend because he keeps missing him by a long shot. For fun, I throw up my rifle and shoot in my boyfriend’s general direction. My boyfriend drops an F-bomb and I turn so that I can see his computer monitor: his character is unconscious. Friend #2 and I start laughing like maniacs.)

Boyfriend: *in disbelief* “You shot me! [Friend #2] why the h*** did you shoot me?! I’m on your side, man!”

Friend #2: *still laughing* “It wasn’t me, dude!”

Me: *cackles* “Oh my god it was me! I wasn’t even trying to shoot you! I’m so, so sorry!”

Boyfriend: “God d*** it, [My Name]! Someone come revive me!” *turns to give me a dirty look* “You probably just ruined all my gear!”

(Friend #1 rushes over to bandage up my boyfriend’s character and he’s on his feet in less than a minute. My boyfriend starts checking his gear and is shocked nothing is ruined, except…)

Boyfriend: *indignantly* “My helmet! You ruined my ballistics helmet, [My Name]!”

Friend #2: *laughs again* “BOOM! Headshot! Dude, that was great!”

Me: *sheepishly* “I wasn’t even trying to shoot him! I was just shooting in his direction! I didn’t even aim the gun! I clicked to shoot and just happened to nail him in the head!”

Boyfriend: *sarcastically* “Yeah, sure. It was an accident.”

Me: “It really was! You know how poor my aim is with games like this!”

Friend #1: *chuckles* “Well at least it was a ballistics helmet or you would have had to respawn with nothing at all. Then we would have had to try to save your gear for you ’til we found you again.”

Me: “I have the tanker helmet, if you want it ’til we can get you a new one.”

Boyfriend: “No, I don’t want your helmet.” *suddenly cheerful* “Hey, I have an idea! If we come upon any agro players, we’ll let [My Name] handle them, since she’s pretty good at taking people out without trying to do it.”