You’re A Very Gifted Person

(My stepmom and I are going out Christmas shopping.)

Step-Mom: “Maybe we could get your dad a nice sweater.”

Me: “Oh, I like this sweater, for me. This one’s nice, too, but not for me.”

Step-Mom: “Maybe we could look in the men’s department.”

Me: “Oh, my god! I need this cardigan! It’s so nice and fluffy and warm! For me!”

Step-Mom: “We are supposed to be Christmas shopping… for other people! Not for ourselves.”

Me: “Fine. I need a scarf set. Let’s try another store.”

(We go to a different store and look around when I’m distracted by some cute tops.)

Step-Mom: “Who are you looking at those for?”

Me: “Me!”

(She shakes her head and sighs walking away from me.)

Me: “I am the physical embodiment of the Christmas spirit! Embrace me and spread my joy!” *after a moment* “Oh that sweater is super cute… for me!”

Step-Mom: “And this is why they never let you out of your cage.”