Your Weirdness Is Killing Me

I’ve been a librarian for almost fifteen years and have had some very strange conversations, but this one is high up on the list.

Me: *Answering the phone* “Reference desk, this is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, did you hear about the murders in [My Town] last night?”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Caller: “Was it close by? Near the library?”

Me: “Um, not too far away, but not super close. About three miles away.”

Caller: “Well, see, the reason I ask is that I live in [State on the other side of the country] and I was vacationing in [My Town] about ten years ago.”

Me: “Okay?”

Caller: “And I was out driving around and I saw this guy running, like, in a really weird way, you know? He was like all hunched over, almost double, and just running really crazy.”

Me: “Okay?”

Caller: “I think he’s one of the murder victims! Can you find out?”

Me: *Absolutely incredulous* “You want me to find out if some random person you saw running ten years ago was one of the people who was murdered last night?”

Caller: “Yeah!”

I reply as deadpan as I can muster.

Me: “Did you by chance get the man’s name? The man you saw running?”

Caller: “What? No, of course not! I just saw him; I didn’t talk to him.”

Me: “Well, okay, then. The coroner hasn’t released the murder victims’ names yet, anyway, pending notification of next of kin. Without knowing his name—”

Caller: “Oh, but do you think there’ll be pictures?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “Pictures! When they release the victims’ names, do you think they’ll send out pictures to the media of what they looked like?”

I am seriously creeped out now.

Me: “Maybe? Why don’t you check back in a couple of days?”

Caller: *Very cheerfully* “I sure will! Thanks!”

He hung up, and so did I. My colleague on the desk heard my half of the call and wanted to know the whole story, so I told him.

Coworker: “Wait, what? Why would he think some guy he saw ten years ago is a murder victim?”

Me: “I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t want to know. I’m taking a break.”

So. Weird.