Your Threats Are Toothless

(I go to the dentist’s for a cleaning.)

Dental Assistant: “Your teeth are yellow!”

Me: “Yup.”

Dental Assistant: “You should get them whitened.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Dental Assistant: “We have several options for you…” *explains about strips and trays and stuff*

Me: “No, thank you.”

Dental Assistant: “But you’re such a pretty girl! Your teeth just ruin it!”

Me: “That’s okay.”

Dental Assistant: “But don’t you care about dating? What will the boys think?”

Me: “It’s fine.”

(I’m not straight, not seeking a partner, not interested in judgemental people.)

Dental Assistant: “And what about getting a job?! You’ll never get one with those teeth!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I have a job.)

Dental Assistant: “But your teeth! You know, if you’re worried about cost, we have payment plans!”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Dental Assistant: “You should really whiten your teeth!”

Me: “No. Thank. You.”

Dental Assistant: “Don’t you care about your appearance at all?”

Me: “No! I don’t! I really don’t care what they look like!”

(The dental assistant rushes out of the room and heads straight for my mother.)

Dental Assistant: “Your daughter doesn’t care about her teeth AT ALL! She said she’d rather let them rot! She doesn’t take care of her teeth whatsoever and she’s going to have so many cavities and it’s going to cost you a fortune!” *continues this rant for a while*

(I never went back to that place again. My mother tried to lecture me based on what the assistant said, but I pointed out that the dentist did not say I had cavities and managed to hold off the “necessary” whitening treatments until the next check-up at the new place. Luckily, they backed me up. Stained does not mean ill-cared-for or unhealthy.)