Your Printer Requires Some Hyper-Ventilation

(I’m a customer in this. A woman comes up to me with her arms loaded with printer cartridges. She drops them on the floor before addressing me.)

Woman: “Can you help me? I’m trying to find the right cartridge for my printer. It’s all so confusing!”

Me: “It can quite a bit daunting. Sure, I can help.”

Woman: “I get all in a panic and have to sit down.”

Me: “Really?”

Woman: *nodding frantically* “I’m on pills for it. The stress is. Just. Too. Much!”

Me: “Okay… Which printer do you have?”

Customer: *company and model* “I have my used one with me. They have a bin for them!”

(She hands me the cartridge, with the label and number associated with that particular model still attached. None of the ones she dumped are right, so I head to the shelves. I find it quite quickly and hand it to her. She looks are me like I’ve sprung from the underworld.)

Woman: “How… How did you do that?!”

Me: *pointing at the cartridge* “That number is on every colour cartridge you buy for your printer. You use that to find the right one.”

(Dumbfounded, she looked at the number, before hyperventilating. I started panicking myself until she grabbed a bottle from her bag and dropped whatever was inside into her mouth. She headed to the checkout, noticeably calmer, mumbling a “thanks” as she chewed. I see her pretty much every time I go in to buy something, and when she notices me she points at whatever cartridge she’s holding and guffaws. I can’t fathom why should would need so much ink, but I hope she tries to get a better printer, as it must cost her a fortune!)