Your Membership Is Dead

(I have just started as a first aider at a children’s activity centre. I have been called to a ball pit where a child has collapsed. I am doing the necessary checks when a woman, who has been there all of ten seconds, speaks up.)

Woman: “She’s dead. There’s no point in resuscitating her.”

Mother: “What? No!”

Woman: “There’s nothing you can do. She’s dead.”

Me: “Actually she’s breathing, although her pulse is low.” *radioing for an ambulance*

Woman: *to the mother* “SHE IS DEAD! Get over it. It happens all the time!”

Me: “Excuse me, madam. If you aren’t going to be helpful, could you please leave the area?”

(This shuts the woman up, but I hear her mumbling about how I should give up as she walks away. The ambulance arrives, and the girl is conscious as she is taken away. An hour later I walk into the manager’s office and the manager motions me to keep quiet before putting his call on speaker.)

Woman: “…and this man was very rude to me. I am a long-time customer, and don’t take too kindly to—”

Manager: “Yes, madam, I can understand your frustration. However I’m afraid there is very little that I can do.”

Woman: “You can do plenty! You can fire his a** or I will never bring my children there again!”

Manager: “Yes, madam, I could. However I think given the circumstances that would be highly inappropriate.”

Woman: “WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES? THAT C*** WAS F****** RUDE TO ME!”

Manager: “He also assisted in saving a young girl’s life today, the mother of which, if I understand the context of your complaint, you screamed at saying she was already dead.”

Woman: “How the f**** would you know?”

Manager: “My colleague was radioing me for an ambulance when I heard ‘SHE IS DEAD.’ While I cannot be certain, I did recognise the voice as you just shouted.”

Woman: “Well, I… f***!” *hangs up*

Me: “What kind of a**-hole does that?!”

Manager: “A special breed we like to call ‘Gold Star members.’ They’re friends of shareholders who think they run the place because they get everything for free. Never mind traumatising a poor mother; she was told to shut up, which as we all know is an unforgivable sin!”

(The manager got put on probation after the woman told her shareholder friend, but upon realising the facts the woman was banned by the shareholder. The manager was also promoted and I got a raise. The girl made a full recovery. The woman’s daughter visits the centre frequently, still being listed as a gold star member. He father comes with her now, though, instead.)