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Your Girlfriend’s Hot But She Needs To Go

, , , , , , , | Friendly | July 28, 2021

Our roommate has ricocheted from a long-term relationship into a new girlfriend. We all think it’s way too soon, but as much as we think that, and as annoying as we all find her, we are happy for him.

Me: “[Roommate]! Has your girlfriend been eating food from the shared fridge again?”

Roommate: “I’m sorry, man. She gets hungry and I don’t have anything she likes.”

Me: “Get something she does like, then. Order in, or spend time at her place. Don’t let her eat my food; it’s expensive and I have to go across town to get it.”

Roommate: “I’m sorry. I’ll talk to her. Just, you know, we have fun hanging around with everyone.”

Me: *Sigh* “Fine, it’s fine. Just have a word before tomorrow. I’m getting my grandad’s chilli peppers and I’m not sharing with anyone.”

He says he will. I don’t know if he will do it or if she is ignoring him. A couple of days later, [Roommate]’s girlfriend shows up again and goes straight to his room. I’m in and out all night, and I arrive to find the two of them in a shouting match. The girlfriend pushes past me to leave the house.

Me: “That looked bad. You had an argument?”

Roommate: “Yeah, I don’t think she’s coming back.”

Me: “I’m sorry. This isn’t about the food, is it? I’m sorry if it is, but it had to be said.”

Roommate: “Oh, no. She was angry about that. But when I said it was you, I guess she sneaked into the kitchen to eat some of your food.”

Me: “No, not my chillis.”

Roommate: “Yeah, she took a big mouthful and started crying about how hot they were. She said you poisoned her on purpose and I had to make you apologise.”

Me: “Mate, she wasn’t good for you, and she was annoying as h***.”

He moped around for a few weeks, and after a few months, he found a great girl. They moved in together a while later. They come round every so often and she even brings her own food to share. Definitely an upgrade!

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