Your Enemy Is Known

(We often have video games out for testing. A game called ‘XCOM: Enemy Unknown’ has recently been released and we have it out for testing. I have my own personal save file on the hard drive, and a different memory unit for patrons. There is a large sign on the console that no patrons are to use the hard drive. One day, I glance up, and noticed a patron playing ‘XCOM’. As I watch him, I noticed that he is playing on my save file. I walk over to him.)

Me: “Sir, that is an employee save file. Could you please exit to the menu and use a customer file?”

(As I am saying this, the patron continues to play the game.)

Me: “Sir, do you hear me? Please exit to the menu.”

(He looks at me, but continues to play.)

Patron: “Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.”

(He continues playing. He moves one of my soldiers into a very bad position.)

Me: *urgently* “Sir, you really need to exit to the menu.”

(The game moves into the alien’s turn. It is now impossible to exit. One of the aliens shoots, and kills, the soldier that the patron moved into a vulnerable position. The patron then exits the game and goes to the menu. A few days later, the same patron comes back into the store, and walks up to me.)

Patron: “Hi, I’d like to purchase XCOM, please.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $50. Oh, you know, by the way, Wednesday? When you were playing XCOM on the display TV? You killed my best soldier.”

(‘XCOM’ features ‘permadeath,’ meaning that if a soldier dies, they are dead for the rest of the game.)

Patron: “What? No, I didn’t.”

Me: “Yeah, you did. When you were playing on my file, that girl that you moved to where she was being flanked, and she got killed, she was my best soldier.”

Patron: “And she’s dead?”

Me: “Yeah, she’s dead.”

Patron: “Well, sorry about that. How is she now?”

Me: “SHE’S DEAD.”