Your Days As A Regular Are Numbered

(I am sitting in the living room when my roommate gets home. I knew he’d dropped by a nearby coffee shop on his way home because he’d texted me to see if I wanted anything.)

Roommate: “The barista just gave me her phone number”

Me: “What?!”

Roommate: “Yeah, see?” *shows me a napkin with the barista’s name and phone number on it*

Me: “Congratulations!”

Roommate: “No! You don’t understand, I can never go back there. It would be too awkward!”

(True enough, he hasn’t been back to that particular coffee shop in three months, and I don’t think he ever called her.)