You’d Think It Was Hogwarts Open Day

I work in the kitchen of a fine-dining restaurant run by my university, which is unique in that all of the students are also employed by the school. One of my jobs in the early morning is to set out the fake display versions of our desserts so diners can see what they are ordering. Usually, this is a job that doesn’t involve any encounters with guests as the restaurant doesn’t open until just before lunch.

One morning, a bus of thirty or forty early tourists comes in, apparently unaware that the restaurant doesn’t open for several hours. For some reason, the person at the front desk tells them that they can “come in and look.”

Since I am the only student (aka “zoo exhibit”) in view at the time, I am promptly surrounded by geriatric tourists oohing over the school in general, the pressed-copper ceiling of the dining room, the views out the large windows, the flowers on the tables… even my fake desserts. 

I do the whole “smile politely and they’ll let you go” thing, trying to get around the milling group to set up my display, only to have one woman pluck at my sleeve and declare:

Guest: “Oh, honey! This place is so lovely. Do you really work here? And go to school here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am! I work in the bakery here.”

Guest: “Oh, how nice! And this room, just look at that ceiling! It’s just beautiful.”

I respond while trying not to drop a tray of mini cast-iron skillets full of plaster cobblers.

Me: “It sure is.”

Guest: “And… this dining room. My lands! Do students eat here? Or is it for real people?”

My always loosely-installed filter slips but my tone is still 100% polite and cheerful.

Me: “It’s for folks like you, ma’am.”

I regretted it the minute it came out, but somehow she took it at face value of “folks like you = tourists” and happily went on her way. I nearly died laughing from the entire situation, the fact that I actually got away with that, and relief that no supervisor was around to hear me!