You Should Be Anniver-Sorry

, , , , | Romantic | May 30, 2017

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and we are coming up on our first anniversary. We don’t know the real “official” date of our anniversary, so we decided a while ago for it to be July 13th. We also have just moved in together and are starting a new job, where we both got hired.

I don’t want to go crazy because I know we are stressed and busy, so I buy him a little present and a card, and slip it into his work-bag for him to find later. Fast forward a few hours, and he has found the card and present, and thanked me. I patiently wait.

And then, nothing. No special dinner. No card. Nada. I am bummed. I don’t say anything because I just don’t know what to say. About a month or so goes by and things are rough between us. I finally crack and yell at him about him totally ignoring our anniversary.

His excuse? He thought it was a different day. In July. BOTH dates have already passed by now. So not only did he awkwardly accept my gift on the “wrong” date, but he then didn’t even bother to do anything on the date he thought was correct!

I’m still annoyed, but we’re coming up on year two, so he better not forget this time and hopefully goes over the top to cover both anniversaries!

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  • Richard Brooksby

    This is just “my partner forgot my anniversary”. What’s happening to the content on this site? It’s rapidly becoming neither funny nor interesting.

    • Nightshade1972

      Also, if it bothered OP that much, they (presumably) would’ve dumped the bf when he forgot their first anniversary, instead of waiting until the end to brag about how they’re “coming up on year two.”

      • Medusa Jordan

        And expecting lots of money to be spent to ‘compensate’ her loss the first year!

    • Daniel Code

      This is why I always skipped NARomantic. It was always the cuitsiest, most sickening, and worst of all of them by far.

      • Trihan

        I’d agree with you but I have two submissions published on here. 😛

  • Jackie Fauxe

    I bet SOMEONE’S boyfriend visits this site.

    • Medusa Jordan

      I hope he reads the comments .

  • Max

    You don’t know your anniversary, so you picked a random date… How can you not know the day on which you were married, though?

    • Cepheron Kalle

      I don’t think they’re married.
      It’s the “boyfriend/girlfriend” anniversary.
      Like that kind of thing kids do in high school where they celebrate it every month

      • Flami

        Don’t get me started on those.

    • scott marshall

      They’re not even married, it’s a pathetic “boyfriend” anniversary.

    • Flami

      No, it’s merely a “dating” anniversary.

  • Cepheron Kalle

    Honestly I think the whole anniversary thing is rather childish. It just seems like a stupid excuse for people to get pissed at their partner because they forgot.

  • sakasiru

    So, if he remembers, whatever he does you will be merely satisfied, since you expected him to go “over the top”. If he doesn’t remember … what then? You flip out? Why do you need him to do something special and ruin the mood for you both if he doesn’t when you just had two good years with him? Isn’t these years in between the reason why you are together? And if you want to celebrate, why don’t you invite him for dinner?
    Sometimes I think people just make this stuff harder than it needs to be.

  • ItsKuzya

    OP, unless you specifically expressed a desire to celebrate/commemorate this day, you can’t expect your s.o. to read your mind.

    • Flami

      And even if she did, he still could have forgotten. Source: Reddit relationships forums.

  • BitDreamer

    If you are going to have any date picked for an anniversary, why not the day you moved in together?

  • Flami

    At least it wasn’t a “monthiversary.” Still, I would have not been impressed with his forgetting the date just like that. We have Google Calendar, phone reminders, old-fashioned agendas and date planners, etc. NO EXCUSE FOR FORGETTING!

    • Matt Westwood

      What reason is there to remember?

      • Flami

        Oh, Matt, the lovable (?) curmudgeon. 😛

        If it’s important to her and he wants to make her happy, he should remember even with reminders from everywhere or his girlfriend. Of course, the same goes for her if he has similarly important stuff he feels that she should remember.

        • Matt Westwood

          No reason then. Stroll on.

          My wife and I went down the local KFC one evening. She bumped into an old friend. “You still with David?” she was asked. “Nah,” she said, “got myself a real man now,” and she introduced me. “We got married, Um, let’s see, good grief, three years ago today! Oh wow, this is our wedding anniversary and we both completely forgot!”

          • Flami

            Then I’d assume that dates aren’t as important to you guys as the whole of the relationship is, which is valid. The problem comes from one person loving dates a lot and the other person KNOWING it, yet dropping the ball as in the OP.

          • Matt Westwood

            Dates are okay but I couldn’t eat a whole box of them in one sitting. Seriously heavy laxative for a start, no good at all.

          • Flami

            Do you think that eating two cans of beans for dinner is a severe laxative yourself? (no, I have not done this…)

          • Matt Westwood

            Laxative? No! Please think harder.

          • Flami

            Oh good. Maybe prunes.

          • Matt Westwood

            If they work for you, go for it. But please be aware that I am not a doctor, so any advice I may provide may not be backed up by any medical evidence.

          • Flami

            Definitely noted. Judging from my nephews, prune juice may be the ticket.

          • Medusa Jordan

            Prune juice DEFINITELY works!

          • Flami

            Right now, I got a lot of $1 cans of beans, but I’ll have to buy prune juice again at some point!

    • Laren Dowling

      She forgot, too. Hence why they picked a random date. Ergo, she’s making a big to-do over nothing.

      • Flami

        I understand that.

  • Cat L

    Seems like they should save all that stress for wedding anniversaries. Who celebrates the day we met, the day we first did the naughty, the day we bla bla bla? Guys don’t care about that stuff.

    • Tuulos

      I can agree with that. I’ve forgotten far more important dates not to mention I don’t even remember my age most of the time. I have to seriously focus and think about it to remember it or usually count it.

    • Trihan

      To be fair my wife and I celebrate both our wedding anniversary and our dating anniversary, though for the latter we don’t really do anything massively special; maybe just a little gift and a fancier date night than we usually have (we have a date night at least once a month).

      • Cat L

        That’s really sweet, but not everyone is that romantic. I just don’t think it’s worth fighting over. Sounds like you two will have a long and happy marriage. Congrats!

        • Trihan

          Thanks! We’ve been together 7 years now and married nearly 3, so I’m fairly sure we’re in it for keeps. 😛 I agree with you though, it’s not like I’d kick up a fuss if she didn’t get me something for an anniversary and I’m sure it’d be the same for her unless we’d already specifically stated we were getting gifts. We usually discuss our anniversary plans a couple of weeks before so that we both know what’s happening.

      • Laren Dowling

        We also celebrate the day we first met, by going back to the place we met (a gun range) and then out to eat the same place we did after that meeting (my favorite Italian place, where we also got engaged). But we were prevented from doing so this last year, and it wasn’t a huge deal. Just a *shrug* ah, well, sort of moment.

    • Laren Dowling

      I remember a little skit I saw once where a couple was fighting, and the guy finally asked what they were fighting about. “You forgot our anniversary!” the girl wailed.
      He looked confused. “No I didn’t. Our anniversary was one (date).”
      “Not our wedding anniversary!”
      “Our first date was (other date)”
      “No, that that anniversary!”
      “I’m pretty sure we met on (date 3).”
      “No! The anniversary of the first time our eyes met across a crowded room!”

      That’s pretty much how I feel about this story.

  • Mechwarrior

    If it’s that big a deal, TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND ABOUT IT ALREADY!!!!!

    You have a job and a live-in relationship. That means that you’re too old for this passive-aggressive bullshit that you’re describing here, OP. If you pull it on him again, I sincerely hope that he does the intelligent thing and dumps you.

  • Jeanette Stringer

    Why do people care about dating anniversaries? My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. Our love for each other is enough, we don’t need a celebratory day to prove our love to each other. That’s just superficial stuff, it really doesn’t prove true love when you EXPECT something from your SO on some made up anniversary. It’s one thing to want to give a present to surprise your SO, that’s a genuine sweet gesture. But to expect something then get angry when you don’t seem to make effort to ask about it as if they’re a mind reader…

    • Rachel Schmachel

      It’s not about proving anything. It’s just a celebration of meeting that person and the relationship that follows.

      • Westrim

        Then it should be planned for and celebrated together, not held as a secret so it can be lorded over the person who forgets. Get yourselves a mutual gift, not hair brushes and a pocketwatch chain.

        • Rachel Schmachel

          Absolutely agree! Relationships are not about secrets, competitions or psychic powers.

        • Rebekah

          Love the literary reference.

    • Matt Westwood

      It’s because their relationship is pretty damn empty and they have nothing in common. Celebrating an anniversary is the only way she’s got to remind her that she actually does have a boyfriend.

  • Samii Birdsall

    I always remind my husband 2+ weeks prior so it doesn’t slip his mind and he has time to plan.

  • Deadpool

    Just dump him already so he can find someone who’s not crazy.

  • Ares Zax

    As others here have mentioned, this sounds like it might just be a case of anniversaries not being important to your boyfriend. This does not mean that he is wrong, or that YOU are wrong. Different people grow up with different emphasis on things that are important in life, and this can have major impacts on how they express love and affection. (I highly recommend reading “The Five Languages of Love” if you haven’t already.) For example, my family never placed much importance on birthdays and holidays growing up, to the point that nobody in my family ever buys birthday or Christmas presents for each other. I have to constantly remind myself that this is not the norm for most people and that presents are expected on special occasions.

  • Tanja

    My boyfriend would forget all anniversaries, inclusive my birthday, if I would’t tell him up front. So I tell him when and what date it is, and what behavior I expect. So he knows, if that day is important to me or not. Works fine for both of us (10 years and still going!)

    • Medusa Jordan

      ‘what behavior I expect’ – makes him sound like a young child or a dog.

      • Tanja

        True. Bad word choice.
        Would “and what I expect” be better?

        • Medusa Jordan

          It is better, but I don’t like the implications of this one sided relationship. Men like to be treated and made to feel special too. They may have different things that would do that for them, but it is still valid. I hate the Pampered Princess type.

          • Tanja

            I see your point, but I can ensure you, that our reationship is balanced. My boyfriend is a wonderful partner and what he wants is just as important as what I want

          • Medusa Jordan

            Ah, so you ARE the OP? I’d love to see his take on this!

          • Tanja

            Sorry, no. I’m not the OP.

          • Medusa Jordan

            OK

  • Kitty

    Only together for barely a year and already living together? …well, okay. If it works for you. But, yes, why didn’t you TALK? Humans have these things called words. They form a language. Use it.

    • Matt Westwood

      That’s the way it goes nowadays. My current wife moved in with me a mere couple of weeks after we met. Why faff around when you’ve got a life to be getting on with?

  • anitoo

    If you expect him to go over the top to make up for it, that’s going to go a lot better if you inform him of it in advance. Some people do very well with instructions. If you feel like you shouldn’t have to give him instructions on this, let both of yourselves out of the self-created prison and go find someone who thinks such things are as automatic as you do.

  • Teresa K

    I’m just going to tell you something right now to save you future suffering. In most cases, if he doesn’t think to do something special, and it’s important to you that he does, don’t expect it to change. Some guys are just not wired that way to think about those special days and come up with a surprise. 9 times out of 10, they aren’t going to change. So you have to decide how important it is, because if that’s not him, but you stay together, you really can’t be on his case about it all the time. You’ll just end up hating each other.

    My two cents

    • Medusa Jordan

      Some women aren’t ‘wired’ like that either. I couldn’t give a toss about anniversaries or birthdays, Mothers Day etc.

    • Nightshade1972

      My husband doesn’t get overly excited about birthdays, anniversaries, V-Day, etc. Would I like it if he were more invested? Sure! But I have to remind myself of all the other ways in which he’s a great husband. If the worst I can say about him is that he tolerates taking me out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, I think I’m doing pretty well.

  • Scot MrSpellcheck Rogers

    word of advice: paste a big heart sticker on that day of the calendar.

  • Laren Dowling

    Let me get this straight. You don’t even know the actual date of this anniversary, so your boyfriend has every reason to assume it’s not that big of a deal. You, however, set unrealistic expectations, did not tell him what you expecting, and then spent the next month being angry at him for not reading your mind.
    You have a problem, and it’s not your boyfriend. It’s you. You are passive-aggressive.
    If you want to make a big deal about some arbitrary day you randomly picked, that’s your prerogative. But if you expect your boyfriend to do the same, you need to talk with him about it, calmly and rationally. You also need to respect that he might think it’s ridiculous to celebrate when you don’t even know your actual anniversary, or that he might think anniversaries in general are not a big deal. But you need to have the conversation and figure out what he’s thinking. And you don’t get to be angry with him about his viewpoint. Try seeing it from his perspective.

  • Matt Westwood

    It really doesn’t matter to anybody but you.

    • Medusa Jordan

      It matters to her far too much it would appear.

  • Medusa Jordan

    What a stupid thing to get annoyed about. I would suggest that you save your grievances for things that really matter or you will find that there will be no more anniversaries at all. And that last line makes you sound really materialistic.

  • Sandy Pham

    I don’t want to be in a relationship with either of you.

  • Miksoko

    In the future, you could try planning a fun event to celebrate with. When you’re setting it up, tell him what you’re doing. Say “Hey, how about we… for our anniversary?” and plan it. I know it sucks that he doesn’t put the same amount of importance on the anniversary, but at this point, it’s kind of like wishing someone would throw you a surprise party.
    Secretly slipping someone a present can feel really great. But if your partner is absent minded, you need to take a more proactive role in celebrating. That, or accept that things aren’t going to be celebrated.