You Never Know What The Next Customer Has Up Their Sleeve
I was working as an assistant manager for a drug store. The cashier was on lunch break, so I was cashing people out at the photo counter in the corner of the store. Everything was going smoothly until two very different people came to my counter at the same time.
One customer is a regular at my store. He’s a lawyer with a very expensive suit. We’re in a downtown area, and lawyers’ offices are everywhere around us. But the customer I’m currently serving is a junkie in full-on sway mode. Whatever she is on must be reaching its peak as she sets down a four-pack of wine coolers on the counter for me to scan.
As I reach down to grab the coolers, I notice that in the slots between the bottles are several tubes of lipstick.
Me: “Ma’am, how did these lipsticks get in your wine coolers?”
Her drug sway carried her a few feet away from the counter, and the lawyer in line after her starts to pay attention to what is going on in the store instead of what is going on on his phone.
Customer: “I don’t know how those got there.”
Me: “Is there anything else on you that you haven’t paid for?”
Customer: “Well, I got nothing up my sleeves.”
She then begins to pat down her giant oversized sweatshirt, and tons of lipsticks start flooding out of one sleeve.
Customer: “I ain’t got nothing up this sleeve either.”
She does the same thing to the other sleeve and again, tons of lipsticks come piling out. By now, the lawyer has hung up his call, and we are both now doing our best not to crack up.
Customer: “You wanna know where else I don’t got nothing?”
She whips her foot up onto the counter, undoes a rope belt, pulls her pants down, and reveals that she is wearing a one-piece bathing suit under her giant clothes. The lawyer is transfixed.
This lady grabs the crotch of the bathing suit and… pulls it to the side.
Customer: “I ain’t got nothing up here either.”
And then she walks out of the store. The lawyer and I share a look.
Lawyer: “I’m glad I don’t have your job…”
