You Need Thick Skin To Deal With These Thick Skulls

, , , , , | Healthy | October 6, 2020

I’m the attending doctor at the ER. Earlier this morning, we treated a man who crashed his bike and got a pretty nasty bruise as well as a concussion. A CT scan showed a fractured bone so he’ll need surgery. He told us he’d be using insurance, so he “wants a full record of everything you guys find.”

Later that day, a woman comes into the ER and starts banging on our table.

Woman: “EXCUSE ME! WHICH ONE OF YOU TREATED [PATIENT]?!”

Me: “Yes ma’am. I’m Doctor [My Name]. How can I he—”

Woman: “ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?!”

As you can guess, everyone in the room stops whatever they’re doing.

Me: “Pardon?”

Woman: “YES, YOU! ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?”

Me: “I don’t see how it’s— Why, yes, of course. What seems to be the matter?”

Woman: “Are you really? So why is it not stated in your uniform? Or your nametag?”

Me: “What does it have to do with [Patient], may I ask?”

Woman: “How dare you write in the report that my husband was not wearing a helmet?! I’ve just got a call from my insurance company that they’ll not pay the surgery because you wrote that he wasn’t wearing a helmet!

Nurse: “Well, ma’am, your husband did say he wanted a full report exactly because he wants to use insurance.”

Woman: *Turns to nurse*Well, b****, are you wearing a bra?! Now if he asks for a full report, why didn’t you also write in whether he’s wearing underwear or not? That’s not full report, is it, b****?

Me: “Because we’re writing down things that are medically relevant. The fact he’s not wearing a helmet is, because he came in with a—”

Woman:I don’t care! Now you’re gonna pay for his surgery because my insurance won’t pay! And it’s your fault!

Then she stormed out of the ER, but not before yelling loudly, “THE DOCTOR IS NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR!”

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