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You May Want Something Stronger Than Coffee

, , , , | Friendly | May 31, 2021

I am sitting and sipping on a coffee, all pepped up for the day, when these two pretty girls walk up.

Girl #1: “Excuse me. You’re [My Name], right?”

Me: *Perking up* “Yeah, do I know you?”

Girl #1: “My sister is your coworker, and I’m one of your followers on Facebook. I just wanted to say that I think you have a really nice and interesting personality, and your writing has me either totally cracking up or really thinking deep. You have such an interesting perspective on common issues. Honestly, I couldn’t personally date you myself because I don’t necessarily find you that attractive, but I just wanted to say I think you’ll make some girl out there really happy and I wish you the best of luck.”

I stare at her and an awkward silence falls.

Girl #1: “Oh, my God, that… totally came out all wrong, didn’t it?”

Me: “Yeah, thanks for walking up and politely telling me I’m too ugly to date. Anything else you’d care to depress me with?”

Girl #1: “Sorry, I—”

Her friend starts pushing her toward the door.

Girl #2: “Nice job, [Girl #1]!”

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