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You May Have A Ton Of Salt But She’s Saltier

, , , , | Right | November 8, 2021

One of the biggest sellers of our store is bags of salt for water softeners. We sell so much of it that we keep several pallets of the stuff right by the exit and always ask customers checking out if they need some. They sell like hotcakes.

One day, I find that we’re almost out of one of our types of salts. I call plumbing so they can bring up another pallet for us, but it turns out that all three of them back there are way too busy to do that. I figure they’ll get to it when they have time, but half an hour and an empty pallet later, I have customers asking for salt and not buying any when told that it’s all the way back in plumbing. My boss starts getting on my case over that, and I figure the only option I have is to go back there with a pallet jack and bring one up myself. Sounds easy, right?

It is not easy.

I push on it with all my might and slowly creep toward the registers at a sloth’s pace, a feat only made possible by the flat, smooth, polished concrete floor. As I’m making my way up toward the registers, I do some mental math for fun, adding up the weights of these bags of salt, and realize that I am pushing just over a literal ton of salt, as in a whole 2,000 pounds.

As I’m kicking myself for not trying to find someone else who’s forklift certified, I turn into the main aisle: a very wide aisle, four pallets wide in fact, that’s a straight shot to the front. I creep down my final stretch and along enters our “wonderful” customer: a lady that walks down the aisle directly toward me. She apparently doesn’t notice the literal ton of salt in front of her, and she stops about three feet in front of me and my burden.

Now, the obvious solution to this conundrum is to quickly side-step and go around me, right?

Ah, but ’tis far too great a task for our “valued customer”, and she instead resolves to stare directly into my eyes with a look that very clearly says, “You’re in my way.” I return a look that clearly says, “Try me, b****.”

We hold eye contact for what seems like forever but really is probably a minute and a half until she finally relents and slithers away with a scowl. In this entire interaction, neither of us ever said a word to one another, at least not out loud. I make my way up to the front with my quarry without further issue, and though I expect to get a complaint later, I never do.

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