You Just Baby-Bumped Yourself Away From A Tip  

(I am just under nineteen weeks pregnant and am already in maternity clothes. I decide to indulge at my favorite burger place. I’m standing there with my hands on my stomach.)

Me: “I’ll have a [burger], fries, and a vanilla shake.”

Cashier: “Sure! Let me ask, is that a food baby or a real baby?”

Me: *can’t believe what I just heard and comically appalled* “It’s a real baby.”