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You Have To Behave Like An Adult To Shop Here

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: 420sealions | December 7, 2020

I work in an adult store. The stories I could tell just from my year here could fill a book, particularly because I work in a rather “methy” small town in Canada. I also work late shifts most nights so, it gets interesting.

I’m incredibly upbeat and cheery; that’s just naturally how I am and it works great to deescalate situations. So, imagine me genuinely smiling and being helpful through all this.

One night, I have two fine glossy-eyed specimens enter my store. They set off a few retail red flags immediately, so I keep an eye out but offer my assistance and don’t bother them while they look around. Everything in my store is under a magnet lock so I have to come over and unlock whatever product they want off the hook. They ask me to come and grab a few items off the wall and put them behind the counter while they continue to browse.

As I head back to the counter, I hear a tell-tale cardboard rip noise and see that the lady has ripped a box of lingerie off the hook and is examining it — while swaying drunkenly, mind you. I walk over.

Me: *Gently* “Can I have that, please? That way I can tape the box back up, since the box is all mangled.”

As I’m turning around to do this, she rips off another one.

I turn back around.

Me: *Calmly* “Hey, could you just be careful not to rip the merchandise off? I can grab anything if you want to look at it.”

Woman: *Slurring* “I’m sorry! I was just trying to see the back.”

Me: “It’s not an issue.”

It’s probably just heavy, drunk hands. So, I take both items back behind the counter to fix.

As I do this, the drunk husband walks up to the counter and raises his voice at me as his wife continues to look around.

Husband: “We’re not spending any more f****** money here. We would, but we don’t want to buy anything else from you.”

Me: “Because I asked her very nicely to be careful with the products?”

Husband: “IT’S NOT LIKE SHE DID IT ON PURPOSE! I’m coming back tomorrow to speak to your boss!”

Me: “Okay, for sure, feel free! I’m just doing my job, making sure stuff doesn’t get damaged. Anything else I can help you with?”

My boss will honestly probably tell the guy to f*** off.

Husband: “NO. We’re leaving.”

The woman is looking intently at the wall of vibrators.

Woman: “Wait, hold on. I like this one.”

Husband: “Babe, let’s go. We’re f****** leaving. Now.

Woman: “Wait!”

Husband: *Practically screaming* “NO! NOW!”

Me: “Can I help you choose from any of those?”

Husband: “I SAID WE’RE F****** GOING NOW!”

Woman: “One more minute. Does this one recharge?”

Me: *With a smile* “No, not that one! But I do have this one over here that’s 40% off and is rechargeable.”

Woman: “It comes in pink?”

Me: “Yup, right here!”

Woman: “And it’s waterproof?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Woman: “Yeah, I’ll take that!”

The husband stood with his arms crossed and brows furrowed while I grabbed the products for them, and then he had to fork over $350 for all the stuff they grabbed. I happily bagged it all and asked all the basic questions, followed up by my best wishes for a lovely evening. And I smiled because he didn’t say another word, and I make commission.

My boss messaged me later to let me know that if the dude calls and tries to complain, he’ll be asked kindly not to shop at our stores anymore. My boss doesn’t put up with abuse of his staff and that’s why I love him.

Oh, and I took down the guy’s license plate and gave 911 a little tip that there was a possible drunk guy in a big truck who had just left the shop.