You Had Me At Hello, But Lost Me At Hell No

(I am on a date with a guy for the first time.)

Me: “I’m really glad we did this.”

My date: “Yeah, I really feel like I know you…”

(I stand up to get some napkins.)

Me: “Do you need any napkins or anything?”

(My date also stands up, but suddenly puts his hand on my stomach.)

My date: “Soon, you will be plump with my seed.”

Me: “I want to go home now.”