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You Forgot “Master And Commander”

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: nategolon | October 21, 2021

Years ago, I worked at a busy, corporate sit-down burger restaurant. One day, I’m hustling through the lunch rush, and I have six college guys sit down. One guy flags me over right away.

Customer: *Loudly* “We’re ready to order!”

Me: “What are you guys having?”

Customer: *Smirking* “Guys? Guys? That doesn’t sound like a very professional greeting to me. I work at a restaurant, too, and if I walked up to a table and asked, ‘What are you guys having?’ my manager would definitely let me know that was inappropriate.”

The other guys at the table look kind of uncomfortable at this exchange and just silently sit there. The main guy looks around at all of them and keeps going.

Customer: “Why don’t you come up to us again and do it right?”

I’m looking around at my massive section of tables and getting the distinct feeling I’m going to be at this table forever. I’m trying not to lose my cool, so I smile.

Me: “Sure.”

I take several steps back and walk up again.

Me: “Gentlemen, how are you all doing? Ready to order?”

The main guy smirks and nods. I look directly at him.

Me: “How about you, chief? What are you having today?”

Some of the other guys laugh. He looks angrily at me but orders his burger and a drink. I get everyone’s order and hustle off.

I return with drinks a little while later. I set everyone’s drinks down and do the main guy last.

Me: “Here you go, boss.”

I leave before he can say anything. Through the course of their meal, I call him a different nickname every time.

Me: “You need a refill, pal?”

Me: “How’s your burger, buddy?”

Me: “Need more ketchup, bro?”

Me: “Can I get that plate out of your way, dude?”

Me: “Any dessert for you, amigo?”

Me: “Need me to split your check, brother?”

Me: “Make sure to leave me one signed copy, muchacho.”

By this time, this guy is boiling. His friends are loving it, though. As time has gone on, the rest of them keep looking at me expectantly. What nickname next?

Finally, they all get up to leave. The lunch rush has ended and I’m chilling at this point. I casually walk up to them.

Me: “Thank you, gentlemen, for coming in.”

The rest of the group is smiling. I look at the main guy.

Me: “And you… you have a fantastic day… hoss.”

The rest of the guys cheered. They all headed out. I grabbed all their receipts on the table. Surprise, surprise, the main guy left me zero for a tip. I didn’t care. It was all worth it.

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