You Ever Get High On That New Puppy Smell?

I used to be a cashier at a chain pet store. One day, a man came in and purchased our coupon booklet along with pretty much everything you need when you first get a dog. He came to my register and started unloading everything.

I noticed that my manager was hanging around nearby, but I didn’t know why until the man got closer. A smell followed him that was unlike anything I’d ever known. I stepped back before realizing I had nowhere to go, so I stepped forward again.

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Man: *Smiling lazily* “Good, good. How are you?”

Me: “Can’t complain. Do you have a store card?”

Man: “Nah, but I got a puppy.” *Gestures at his purchases* “See? I’m all set up.”

Me: “Oh, that’s great! What kind?”

Man: “A, uhh… I don’t know. A mixed kind.”

Me: “How nice. Mixed breeds are often the best of whatever breeds they are.”

Man: “Nice. Nice.”

I kept scanning his items in silence, watching him sway and stare into space. I made eye contact with my manager, who gave me the “Okay?” sign with her hand. I gave a slight shrug and nodded.

Me: “Okay, your total is [hundreds of dollars].”

Man: “Okay, I have a card here.”

He tried to hand me his card but dropped it.

Man: “Whoops! Butterfingers.”

Me: “No worries; it happens.”

I slid his card for him, even though the card reader was facing him.

Me: “Just follow the prompts there and you’re good to go! Have a great day, and congratulations on your new dog!”

Man: “Thanks, man!”

My manager came over, barely holding in her laughter.

Me: “What?”

Manager: “You didn’t smell him?”

Me: “Yeah… I guess?”

Manager: “He was high as a kite! I’m surprised you’re not feeling anything.”

I had never smelled marijuana before.

Me: “Oh. I think I’m good?”

Manager: “All right, well, if you get hungry or start giggling, just let me know.”

I didn’t feel anything from the visit, but I did come in a few days later to find that the entire purchase had been returned. Apparently, the man came back down and realized he didn’t even have a dog.