You Catch More Members With Honey

This happens when I’m an awkward teenager in the early 2000s. At the time, personal voicemail messages on phones are common and it is not unpopular for people to have jokey ones. Mine is something about how, “I’m not ignoring you; I’m ignoring the world,” or something.

I go to a gym to see if the prices are something I can afford on my pittance of a wage. The staff member I’m talking to kind of browbeats me into starting to sign up for a membership and, anxious and awkward, I don’t really think about the fact that I can’t afford it and just let her railroad me into it. But it turns out I’m lacking ID, so I leave.

Away from the place and without anyone pressuring me, I can think clearly and realise there’s no way I can afford it, and given how this woman has pressured me, I don’t want to call and explain this, so I just don’t go back. I haven’t signed anything, so no big deal, right?

A few days later, I get a voicemail and I listen to it. It’s the same woman from the gym, sounding outright angry, saying, “Well, you’d better stop ignoring me. Get your a*** down to the [gym] and finish this paperwork!”

Yes, that’s what she said. No, I’m not exaggerating.

Once things picked up for me financially, I did join a gym — a different one. And then, when I moved and was close to the first gym, I instead used a college gym. I did finally join, over ten years later, and I love the place, but wow, that woman left a sour taste that lingers to this day.