You Can’t Take It (Quarter)Back

(I work at a grocery store that is about 10 minutes from an NFL team’s practice facility. As a result, we will get football players in the store every so often. I’m a girl, and I like football, but I’m not one to go totally crazy over it. One of my coworkers, however, is a self-proclaimed “super fan,” and brags every time she gets a player at her register. It’s pretty close to Thanksgiving, so we are busy. I am running something back to the dairy section for a customer when I nearly collide with a very tall man who looks vaguely familiar.)

Me: “Ah! I am so sorry!”

Customer #1: “No need to apologize. I got in your way. It’s pretty crazy in here!”

(I get paged back to my register, sending me running in the other direction. The same customer enters my line about 20 minutes later, followed by another man with a very full cart.)

Customer #2: *holds up sweet potato casserole* “This looks really good. How do we make this?”

Me: “Well, it’s take and bake, so you really don’t have to do anything to it. Just pop it in the oven at 300 degrees for 20 minutes, or until the topping gets crispy.”

Customer #2: “Are you serious? That’s it?”

Me: “Yep! And the directions are under the label if you forget. I buy that every year for my family’s Thanksgiving.”

Customer #2: “HA! That’s perfect. My brother here—” *gestures to [Customer #1]* “—can’t cook, so this’ll be great for our Thanksgiving!”

Customer #1: “HEY!”

Customer #2: “Well, you can’t.”

Me: “It’s so easy, and it’s really good, too. I never have any left over!”

Customer #2: “Fantastic!” *pays* “Have a nice Thanksgiving!” *they wave and walk out*

(The previously mentioned coworker runs over to my register.)

Coworker: “DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT WAS?!”

Me: “Um, they were brothers? One of them looked really familiar, but I can’t place him. He’s probably a regular.”

Coworker: *loudly* “That was [Local Team’s Quarterback]!”

Me: “Wow, could you be any louder about it?”

Coworker: “I can’t believe you call yourself a football fan! You didn’t even recognize him!”

Me: “Because he wears a HELMET during games. Geez. Lighten up.”

Coworker: “NFL players are wasted on YOU! You don’t deserve to have them in your line! I should’ve waited on him!” *stomps off*