You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

(A local officer picks this woman up off the street for public intoxication. He brings her to the jail to be booked in.)

Me: “Ma’am, please move over to the counter.”

Woman: “I don’t want to order anything, I’m not hungry.”

Me: “Ma’am, I need to remove the handcuffs and search you.”

Woman: “I don’t own any handcuffs.”

Me: “Ma’am, do you know where you are?”

Woman: “Yeah, at the store but I don’t like what you have done with it.”

Me: “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

Woman: “OH, I don’t drink. I’m a dietitian!”

Me: *furrows eyebrows* “Do you mean diabetic?”

Woman: “Whatever. I doesn’t… er … didn’t drink anything but some orange juice… The bottle is in my purse.”

(I opened her purse and found not only the bottle with OJ in it but an empty bottle of vodka. The OJ in the bottle was almost see through, she had so much Vodka in it.)

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