You Can’t Be Vilnius!

(I work in the home department. A lady in her forties approaches me on the till.)

Customer: “I want to return this blender.”

(The receipt says it was bought a year ago and it has clearly been used.)

Me: “What’s wrong with the item?”

Customer: “Nothing. I just don’t use it anymore.”

Me: “I can’t process a refund for you because it’s been used and you’ve had it for a year now.”

Customer: “But the guarantee is for two years!”

Me: “The guarantee is for faulty or damaged items only. I am afraid I can’t do anything for you.”

(The customer looks confused, so I explain to her how a guarantee works. She looks a bit suspicious.)

Customer: “Where is your accent from?

Me: “I am from Lithuania, part of the Baltic States, neighbours with Latvia, Poland, and Belarus.”

(A lot of people have never heard of Lithuania, so I am used to it. But this lady is a real gem.)

Customer: “All right. One of my colleagues is Polish. You guys all speak the same language, don’t you?”

Me: “No, we have our own language.”

Customer: “Oh, I am sure you do.”

Me: “I assure you that we have different languages and different cultures.”

Customer: “Could you ask someone else about the blender, dear? I am concerned you might be wrong about the guarantee if you don’t know what language you guys speak.”

(I try to figure out if I have heard her correctly. After few moments of silence I assure her that I really know the how the guarantee works, but after few blank stares I just phone my manager. She confirms what I have said is correct. Unfortunately, the customer looks even more suspicious.)

Customer: “Are you here legally?”

Me: *even more shocked* “Yes, I definitely am!”

Customer: “Can I see your visa?”

(I am trying to hold myself back, and instead of saying this is not her d*** business, I just politely explain:)

Me: “I don’t have one, because I am from the EU, so I don’t need one.”

Customer: “I am sure you do!”

Me: “Well, if you are sure…”

(I end up explaining to her that travelling inside the EU doesn’t require a visa, and it works in both ways. When she’s traveling somewhere in the EU, she doesn’t need a visa, either.)

Customer: “Yes, I understand that, but England is not in the EU; it’s in the United Kingdom!”

(I can’t believe this, but I actually end up explaining that the UK is a part of the EU.)

Customer: “Dear, would you say America is a part of the EU?”

Me: “No, that is part of the USA.”

Customer: “You see? And England is a part of the UK! You really need to learn your geography, dear.” *smiles and leaves*

(My colleague is standing at the next till.)

Colleague: “All right! I always though Lithuania was a part of Russia!”

Me: “Yeah, sure. Why not?”