You Can Never Escape That Kind Of Stupid
I used to work for [Company #1] in [City #1], but the job was difficult and stressful. I had too many projects piled on me and no backup. The Chief Information Officer (CIO) was a twit and demanded weekly status reports for every project, which meant I would have to add that on top of a huge load that I was barely keeping up with.
I got fed up and found a new job with [Company #2] in [City #2]. I generously sent in my two-week notice, and after doing handovers and removing everything from my plate, I left to work there.
After some time had passed, I visited family, and we went out to a cafe that just happened to be near [Company #1]. It was a big mistake, I know. The CIO came in, saw me, did a triple-take, and approached me as I sat at the table with my family.
CIO: “[My Name]! So there you are! I’m glad I could catch you. Why haven’t you been filing your weekly status reports?”
I stared at him for a moment. My mom and dad looked uncertain about whether to call him out for interrupting a family get-together or let this nonsense play out.
Me: “Why would I be sending you weekly status reports?”
CIO: “Because it’s required to do your job! I know for a fact that this isn’t news to you, [My Name].”
Me: “It was required for my job. I am no longer required to send anything to you.”
CIO: “What makes you think you can just stop?”
Me: “Well, for one thing, I don’t work for [Company #1] anymore.”
CIO: “Oh, really? When did you quit?”
Me: “Two years ago. I work elsewhere now.”
He looked embarrassed but was clearly trying to save face.
CIO: “Well, that’s news to me!”
Me: “I sent my notice in writing to your email, to Human Resources, and to my manager. I don’t know how you missed it, but I can honestly say that I’m not surprised. You never did listen to a word I said while I worked with you.”
CIO: *Snapping* “I don’t know where this attitude came from, but you cannot speak to your superiors like this. Keep it up, and you’re going to get a disciplinary.”
Me: “Oooh, how scary! A disciplinary at a job I don’t work at anymore and haven’t worked at for years. Yeah, sorry, but that’s just not going to bother me one little bit. Now would you kindly scram so that I can enjoy my visit with my parents?”
CIO: *Storming off* “Don’t expect a good reference!”
Me: *Shouting after him* “I don’t need one!”
Mom: *Speechless*
Dad: “Okay, so, wow. I know you told us what a f****** dips*** he was, but he’s just so much… more… in person.”
The story doesn’t quite end there, however. A day or so later, I ran into my former manager. I told him what the CIO had done, and he was stuck between laughing at the CIO’s stupidity and groaning at how tasteless it was for him to harass me at a cafe with my parents.
He promised to send an email to the CIO and to HR saying: “And in other news, [My Name] still no longer works for us, and hasn’t for two years. Please stop harassing [My Name] about not submitting reports.”
I wonder if the CIO will listen to HR and my manager about this, or whether he’ll try calling me in for that oh-so-scary disciplinary.
