You Can National Trust There To Be Some Good Stories

(I volunteer under the National Trust at a property where visitors to the house are given tokens to give to us at the door as proof of payment. These tokens are about the same size and shape as a 10p coin.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Property]! Do you have your tokens for me today?”

Visitor: “Oh… yes… Hang on, they’re in this pocket… Here.”

(He holds out a token and a 10p coin. I joke with him, as I do every time this happens:)

Me: *laughing* “Ah, is this my tip?!”

(Immediately, the man pulls back his hand in horror and stares at me.)

Visitor: “We have to tip the volunteers? But… I didn’t tip the one at the gate? Was that rude? Should I go back? [Daughter], why don’t you run back and give the man on the gate—”

Me: “No, sir, no, I didn’t– Just the other token, please. It’s just a joke I do; a lot of people mistake change for the tokens.”

Visitor: “Oh, thank God! That really scared me! Don’t scare people like that! Why would you say that? You’ll get complaints!”

(I have done it since and no one else has had a reaction like that… or complained! Other stories I love:)

Tiny Little Girl #1: “Are there any ghosts here?”

Me: “Apparently a couple, but wouldn’t you be scared of them?”

Tiny Little Girl #2: “No! We’re ghost hunting!”

Me: “Ah, well, there are some in the study–“

Tiny Little Girl #2: “WHERE IS THE STUDY?”

Tiny Little Girl #1: “Has anyone died here?”

(Also: a drunk man drains his entire mini bottle of Prosecco in the entrance hall.)

Drunk Man: “Where can I put this?”

(And finally:)

Man: “This place really needs some newer furniture.”

Me: “This house was built in the eighteenth century.”

Man: “Exactly!”