You Can Lose The Game But Don’t Lose Your Cool
I’m on the phones in the customer service office for a Premier League football club (soccer to the Americans). Most calls are about ticketing, memberships, or matchday logistics.
The phone rings:
Me: “Good afternoon, [Club Name] customer service, how can I help?”
Customer: “Yeah, I want a refund for my season ticket!”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you tell me what the issue is?”
Customer: “The issue? The issue is they keep losing! We haven’t won a home game in weeks!”
Me: “…Right. Unfortunately, we don’t offer refunds based on match results.”
Customer: “Well, I paid good money to see them win, not to watch them prance about and lose to bloody Tottenham!”
Me: “Sir, when you bought your ticket, you paid for admission to the matches, not a guarantee of victory.”
Customer: “It’s false advertising!”
Me: “We never advertised we’d win. If I could guarantee a win every time, I’d be sailing away on my private yacht.”
Customer: “Well, you still need to do something! Season tickets are expensive!”
Me: “Tell you what, we’ll bring the price of the ticket down, but we’ll charge you every time we win.”
Customer: *Click.*
