You Can Buy Cake Mix For Like Two Bucks, Lady

My coworker is a bit of a cake fiend; at any celebration, birthday, or event, she takes more than her fair share. The night shift has complained, but she doesn’t care. I’ve caught her taking extra home and hiding cake in her lunch box.

One birthday, I decide I’m going to make a point of it. I buy an extra box and put it at the back of the fridge, behind other food. I tell the night shift to look there later. I don’t realise, but [Coworker] finds it and puts it with the others. None gets left.

I try making up a box at another event and leaving it on my desk, thinking she won’t take it. Nope, she takes that, too; this time she takes out the ones she doesn’t like and eats the rest. It’s like she takes it personally against the other shift.

On my birthday, I’m certain to sort it out. I let one of the night shift guys in on my plan. I bake two cakes: a sort of double chocolate cake and a traybake.

I let everyone know that the traybake is for everyone, but I ask that they please leave the double chocolate cake for the night shift. I write, “Do not eat,” on the box and put it in the fridge.

The next morning, I catch the nightshift guy early and he tells me there was no cake. I know what’s happened, so I go to my boss.

Me: “Look. It sounds stupid, but I baked a cake for the night shift and someone stole it.”

Boss: “I’ll look into it, but without proof, I can’t do much.”

Me: “I know, but it needs addressing.”

Boss: “Talking of cakes, did everyone enjoy yours? No one’s feeling sick?”

Me: “Nope, everyone’s here apart from [Coworker].”

Boss: “Yeah, she called in sick again and mentioned something about cake. Wouldn’t explain, though.” 

Me: “Nothing to do with the entire chocolate chilli cake that went missing.”

Boss: “I hope you’re not saying you tampered with food and baited her.”

Me: “A cake I told her not to eat and wrote ‘Do not eat’ on? You would have a hard time proving any sort of intent.”

Annoyingly, she was seen on camera going into the kitchen, but we couldn’t prove she took the cake. She knew not to accuse me as I had hoped, because that would have got her into trouble.

The only saving grace was when she started to use my cake tub to bring her lunch in. She tried to say that it was empty and she thought it was hers, but she still got a warning for it.